


The Summer I Turned 18

by DarkEyedDreamer



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Chaptered, Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Rating May Change, Runaway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-03-23 11:56:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3767245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkEyedDreamer/pseuds/DarkEyedDreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Lester was a sweet kid who looked like he had everything going for him. But inside, he was counting the days until he could leave his town for good. Bored with his goodie-two-shoes attitude, he wanted more excitement than his mundane town could bring. So when bad-boy rebel Dan Howell asked him to come along on his latest adventure, Phil agreed all too easily. And thanks to Dan, the summer Phil turned 18 will be one he'd never forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Prank

**Author's Note:**

> This work is currently being updated, and will be in the process of major editing to the chapters that were already written. If you're a fan of the story who has already read chapters (1-7) I would suggest re-reading them before you move on to future chapters.

Phil Lester was a daydreamer. He got good grades without paying much attention, he stayed home instead of going to parties on Friday night, and most importantly, he stayed under the radar. It was part of the unspoken code that he’d written for himself. He didn't like the spotlight, and if given the choice between the lead role in a play or painting the backdrops, you could find him backstage during the show. The fact of the matter was, there were some kids meant for the spotlight, and others who weren't. Phil was not.

Which is why it was so unfortunate when people found out his last name. Times like this, where kids clung to his side and refused to step away even long enough to breathe. This time, it was a petite girl with long blonde hair and wide doe-like hazel eyes. She was chatting away about something, Phil really couldn't keep up with as he made his way over to his lunch table. He sat at the table closest to the wall, also known as the reject table by the more popular kids in the school. Phil applauded them for their creativity.

He took his seat, only to nearly let out a surprised squeak when she practically sat on his lap. He sent a horrified look to the other two who sat at his table, PJ and Chris- affectionately nicknamed Crabsticks due to the party for the Freshman band class when he tried using crab legs as a substitute for drumsticks. He blamed the alcohol, but none of them really believed it. Phil didn’t actually remember seeing him drink. The two exchanged knowing looks, and the operation was in motion.

"So Phil, how did the date with Jess go last night?" Chris asked casually, and Phil could practically feel the girl beside him stiffen up. Phil had to force the relief off his face, instead hoping it showed through in his eyes.

Seeing an opportunity for escape, Phil ran with it. "Really good." Phil lied, attempting to pull off an easygoing smile. "She decided she wanted to go to the movies after dinner and we ended up watching some romance movie she was into."

"Oooh." His friend PJ cooed cheerfully from the seat opposite to Phil, earning him a laugh from Crabsticks. "Mr. Lester has the hots for Jess~" He sang and Chris grinned, slapping his friend on the shoulder in a mock form of congratulations.

PJ looked over to the girl, B-something-or-another, as if he hadn't noticed her. "Oh, I'm sorry. You are?" He asked inquiringly, smiling innocently at the new addition to their table as if he hadn’t an idea why she was there in the first place. Phil thought it practically reeked of her reasoning.

"No one." She snapped, standing up and all but storming away, her heeled shoes clicking as she moved. Phil thought it made her sound like a teacher. He sighed in relief, running a hand through his hair and unceremoniously dropping his head to the table. He took a moment to count his blessings, at least this girl wasn't into home-wrecking.

"She giving you a tough time?" Chris asked, although his amused tone was enough indication of knowledge that Phil only groaned in answer.

"You have no idea." Phil came his reply, his voice muffled and making his words jumble together slightly, yet his two friends were well aware of what he'd said, or at least the meaning of the words.

"Well I'd tell you to look at lover boy to cheer yourself up, but I don't think he's here today." PJ replied, his tone light and teasing. Phil laughed despite himself, glancing up to shoot him a dirty look he didn't really mean.

PJ, like Phil, was a daydreamer. The difference between them was that PJ used his dreams and turned them into something much more beautiful than Phil could ever do. He was exiled to 'reject nation' for that. He was the art freak. Give him anything, whether it be clay or an animation, and he could turn it into something much more amazing. His hair was curly, and it frizzed out if he wasn't paying enough attention to it. Phil always made sure to tease him on those days.

Chris, was hard to miss. Where Phil hid well in crowds, Chris did the opposite. He didn't really mean to, but his accent gave him away too quickly. That was probably a part of why he was here. He grew up in northern England, and both the accent and the traditions seemed to stick with him even when he moved down here to America. The odd habits immediately pushed him into the circle of freaks, and there were many days when his friends had to assure him that the traditions were more interesting that social suicide.

"Oh shut up." He replied, shoving his friend's shoulder slightly. But almost instinctively, his eyes did scan the lunchroom for said, 'lover boy.' He was disappointed to find he wasn't there, and although he thought he hid it well his friends saw right through the attempted ruse.

Dan Howell was the type of person who the room (and the entire high school he attended) gravitated around. If high school was a play, he'd be the starring role. When he wasn't there, it wasn't hard to tell, even if you weren't directly looking for him. His seat in the lunchroom was in the center, the perfect seat under all the right lights. Next to the door and the concession stand. It was the seat of kings, and even when he wasn't there (which was often), the seat was left for him as if he would be able to sense if someone was sitting there. 

His groupies (also known as friends, but they followed him around like puppies so it was hard to believe they were anything else) sat in silence, at a complete loss without their leader. You'd think with him being gone so often they would have a vice leader that could delegate things, but no one seemed to be available for the role.

Because none would be like Dan. Mysterious, rebellious, bad boy Dan Howell. The boy who had been disappearing for weeks on end since he was 15. No one ever knew where he went, not even his closest groupies, but when he came back it was with a devious glint and a smile that made it seem like he was never gone. And you always knew when he was back, if not for the gossip spilling the halls as to where he went, than by the pranks that noted his arrival with a bang. As if to remind everyone that he was still here, not that anyone could ever forget.

The fact that he wasn't here meant he probably wouldn't be here for at least a few days, although the reason why was beyond Phil. There were so many rumors going around; from a secret drug ring he was the leader of to alien abductions, to even him going on tour with Muse and other bands because he knew the stage manager. 

That last one, so far, was Phil's favorite. Despite his family money, he'd never been to a concert. His parents insisted that it was too dangerous. For the most part, he’d lived a pretty sheltered life locked behind closed doors; and while he could have easily sneaked out while his parents were gone (which was almost always, they seemed to live the life they determined their son should never get involved with) he didn't because he was what his friends affectionately called a goody-two-shoes.

But that didn't keep him from dreaming. His favorite dreams since middle school seemed to revolve around the brunet named Dan, who had no idea he ever existed. A boy who most girls liked simply for the idea of pissing of their parents, and the one who Phil would willingly let take him down a road he was sure would lead him to trouble. Exhilarating, adrenaline boosting trouble. Yeah, that sounded like exactly what Phil was hoping for. What he was craving to his very core. 

He didn’t know you could crave something you never knew the taste for, but he did. He craved the taste of rebellion, the feeling of the wind on his face as he raced out of danger for the moment. The adrenaline that would rush through him and make it impossible to stay still, impossible to ignore the feeling welling inside of him. He craved Dan Howell.

Phil knew he shouldn't like Dan. It wasn't meant to be that way. But it wasn't really like that. Phil didn't _like_ Dan Howell. But he didn't hate him either. Phil should have hated him. Because he never showed up to classes, he ran away for weeks at a time, and his breath smelled of cigarettes and alcohol more often than it didn’t. He should have hated the other boy. He wasn’t something to look up to. He was every movie cliche rolled into a ball and pressed into the form of a human. 

Phil’s friends laughed when he told them about the infatuation. They told him that he shouldn’t like a teenager who was tumbling on the edge of alcoholism and skirted along the outside of responsibilities like it was a challenge. It was true, Dan Howell was a horrible influence. And Phil knew that. He didn't really have any reason to have a crush on Dan Howell. The boy would be the death of him. But somehow, he liked the idea. The idea of the trouble, and the feeling of being alive.

So how he dreamed.

-

When Dan came back, a week later, the whole school was buzzing. Everyone moved from his path as he walked down the hall, all eagerly awaiting the surprise prank that was inevitable with his return. Guesses to what it would be were already being rushed through the grape-vine and by the time Phil made it to first hour he'd already heard that Dan gotten the principal's car on the roof, placed a rabid squirrel in Mr. Ben's desk, and that he called in a bomb threat and they'd all be evacuated soon. None of those seemed to be the case, and Phil wondered with awe what the other senior had up his sleeve.

After second hour, still nothing had happened, and Phil was beginning to wonder if anything even would. Maybe the prank was that he wasn't going to do a prank. That he’d gotten everyone’s hopes up to meet a weary end. Such was life. He felt a bit disappointed, but as the minutes passed with nothing to show for it, the more it seemed to be the case. The rest of the school seemed to came come to the same conclusion, because the buzzing stopped being about this huge prank and instead came to what Dan had done on his mysterious trip.

Phil walked right past Dan, his head hanging low out of both habit and in case Dan happened to glance up and see him when he heard a groupie excitedly ask, "What's the big prank Dan?"

Phil couldn’t keep himself from listening to see what the reply would be, even going so far as to watch him from the corner of his eye, waiting for the wink or the nod that would signal something more. Neither came, in fact Dan didn't bother to reply, or at least, Phil didn't hear one. But the crooked smile the younger boy gave her told of a deviousness that made Phil smile despite himself. When Dan glanced up and caught his eye, Phil could feel his cheeks turn a shade of scarlet that would definitely be noticed, looking down to his feet once more. He felt his ears heat up as he scurried to get to his next class.

He hoped the laugh that echoed behind him wasn't at his expense.

-

The last two hours of the day brought forth a new idea of boring. Instead of gym and science class (both of which Phil hated with a passion) they had an assembly; and while Phil would be excited at any chance to miss his most detested classes, this particular assembly was about sex- and lack thereof. Which meant two hours of pure torture and embarrassment.

He sat next to PJ and Chris, thankful to have found them in the crowd. They'd saved him a spot, as usual, and actually seemed happy to see him. PJ was telling Chris about how the substitute teacher had three cans of Monster and how he'd seen two more in the garbage when he stood up to sharpen a pencil, and Phil was honestly wondering how she hadn't had a heart attack in class. She had, however, called herself a queen and demanded their undying loyalty- and then proceeded to accidentally break a map on the wall and blame the kid in the back row. Chris claimed that would have been 10 year reunion material, which made both he and PJ crack up laughing. 

Sometimes, Phil was really grateful he'd met them in fourth grade. Back when he didn't know half the kids who were nice to him were only doing so in hopes of an expensive toy on their birthday. He was also happy that when he did find out (on that sad day on the playground when Mattie Finche told all the girls in their grade that she was only "dating" Phil because he'd bought her a charm bracelet), Chris had insisted he not bring anything to his birthday party, a motion PJ had agreed to without hesitation, thus sealing the threesome’s friendship. 

Why PJ and Chris had made room for him in their group of friends was beyond Phil even to this day, but the tradition of Phil never spending more money than they did on presents was still upheld (with the exception of the time Phil pre-ordered PJ’s favorite video game, but they all decided that was forgivable), and those two goofballs were still Phil's only friends in the world. Through the thick and thin- and trust that there had been plenty of both through the years.

A middle aged man with hair that was just starting to turn grey stood up at the podium, and he raised a hand to cue the conversations had to be brought to an end. His voice was just as monotone and drab as Phil had suspected it would be, and he spoke like a preacher talking to a bunch of criminals. In his eyes, they probably were.

About ten minutes into a boringly long lecture about abstinence and STD's that was beginning to make Phil feel like gym wasn't so bad after all, everything changed.

It started off with a soft click, one that could be hardly heard over the droning of the 'motivational speaker.' It took only long enough for the sound to hit Phil's ears before the ceiling exploded in white, and coated a large amount of the mysterious substance right over the speaker, whose eyes were wide in shock. He looked around in outrage as if trying to pinpoint the person who did all this, but the entire school population was laughing so hard that it was impossible to tell one laughing face from the next- even if everyone in the gym bleachers knew exactly who it was.

A second click was heard and this time the explosion was over the bleachers. Phil flinched instinctively, until he realized that the substance falling over the crowd wasn't white, and it damn sure wasn't whatever the pissed-off speaker had on him. It was a shiny-wrapped quarter sized package that took the teen all of two seconds to realize was a condom, and that made him laugh even harder. His ribs were beginning to hurt as he looked around the crowd in attempt to find Dan- which he did with minimal trouble. As always he was sitting in the perfect seat, all the lights shining on him as if he were the main character in a play.

Dan was grinning at his work, arms crossed over his chest as he scanned the gym; now turned to chaos and laughter, proud of himself as his "friends" high-fived and grinned as if the whole thing was their idea. Phil's breath caught as he met eyes with the other boy for the second time that day. And then, he did something that Phil didn’t quite believe.

He winked.


	2. Change Of Pace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil thought he deserved a change of pace.

By the time the next day rolled around Phil had convinced himself that the entire thing was all in his head. Of course Dan Howell hadn't winked at him. Him of all people. Why would he? Phil was a nobody even with his family's extensive amount of money, that was the way he’d been running himself through the years. His goal was to stay under the radar, so why would Dan, who ruled the school without even trying notice him. The thought was just unlikely. Phil had to have imagined it. 

The knowledge of telling himself that didn't help the sharp pang of dismay he felt when he walked by Dan that morning and the boy didn't seem to notice his presence. Just like every other day. Only those other days usually didn't bring Phil so much (unfounded) disappointment.

The white stuff from the previous day, as it turned out, was nothing more than glue- and not its more perverted look-alike. Phil hadn’t thought it had been, and mentally wondered where the people who had thought it came from. He pushed the thought away when he realized he didn’t much care for the answer. The glue would be a pain in the ass to get off the guy’s clothes, and his hair, and everywhere else for that matter. The principal had ordered the kids to clean the bleachers, which meant that each teenager pocketed up to a dozen condoms by the end of their cleaning. The irony of that did not go unnoticed by anyone, and that only made Dan's prank even more beloved. Just like every other prank.

The middle aged man who had come in refused any form of apology the principal had to offer, and he'd quite loudly announced he would never be coming back to such a 'horrible school,' which received another round of applause- especially from the freshmen who still had another three years of lectures in store for them. It was a small and slightly hollow victory for Phil, seeing as how he was a senior and this would have been his last round of hell, but it was a victory nonetheless.

"...As for the crime committed against Mr. Eds yesterday at the assembly, I will find out who the culprit was, and they will be punished." The sound of his exhausted principal was sounding overhead, and by this point Phil wondered if he was just reading the words off the clipboard with how alike they sounded to every other time.

In truth, the principal had come close to catching Dan more than a few times. Like when he stole the answer key to an impossible test in science, copied it, and preceded to give it to every student who had her class. Or the time when he sneaked into the school and took all the frogs that the underclassmen were going to dissect and set them free in the gym. Or the thing with the goats...

It would have been more surprising if he hadn't been close to catching Dan, considering how many years he'd been catching kids just like him (only probably much less creative with their pranks, as far as Phil could tell) But the fact was, no matter how close the principal would ever come to catching Dan, he never would. The moment the principal called Dan into his office for questioning, ten of the groupies stepped forward and said they single-handedly did the prank. Never once mentioning Dan. 

With so many people claiming to have done it without help, it was almost impossible to managed to catch anyone in particular, and the 'charges' were dropped with not much more than warnings or in-school-suspensions, which was never enough to scare people into talking. Phil could only imagine how pissed the principal must have been having to allow Dan to walk out of the office with a smirk on his face time after time.

In reality, he never stood a chance. Somewhere in junior year of high school, Phil noticed the trend, and really he was impressed. The moment Dan got called down to the principal's office it only took two texts before everyone was in place. Whichever groupie was in class with him at the time sent a mass text to everyone else, and whichever groups turn it was would text back in confirmation. Dan himself never even had to touch his own phone, so there was never a trace. All Dan had to do was sit back and wait, and the principal unknowingly accepted his own failure.

Honestly, if these kids spent half as much time working on homework as they did mastering these plans, they'd all be straight A students. But that's not how their high school career was going to play out. They'd sealed their fate the moment they began worshiping Dan like he was their lord and savior. Phil should not envy them for that.

Phil opened his locker, feeling like he was late even though he knew he wasn't. He never knew why he managed to get himself so anxious over such silly things. But as soon as he flung open the too-small locker he stopped, and a small confused frown covered his face. Attached to the back of the door was a little envelope. That would have been surprising enough to the raven haired senior, but the fact that it was taped to the inside made it even more of a feat. Somehow, someone must have gotten inside, which seemed impossible because Phil never told anyone his combination, not even Chris or PJ.

Curiosity momentarily overcame the anxiety to get to class, and he grabbed the note, noticing with slight amusement that it was addressed specifically to him. Well, that means no one put the envelope in the wrong locker at least. How embarrassing would that have been for the kid who broke into his locker?

Phil wasn't sure what he'd been expecting when he opened it, but a single sentence folded up on a piece of paper which had been clearly torn out of a notebook was not it. The sentence in question? _Do you wanna hang out? -D (If yes, take the note to class.)_

Honestly Phil's heart didn't skip at the note. Really, it didn't. It would take a lot more than a note from a mysterious (yet surprisingly not-so-mysterious) stranger to make his heart skip like that. But maybe it was more than that which made his heart skip. Maybe instead it was the single letter signature that made Phil's stomach do weird churns. It shouldn't have. There were many people, both male and female with the letter D as an initial. Even more whose nickname began with the letter. That’s what he tried to convince himself, at least.

But how many of them could break into a locker that no one knew the combination to without leaving a trace? The more Phil really thought, he remembered hearing one of the girls saying Dan had gotten a copy of the key to all the lockers from the janitor in exchange for pranking Ms Green last year. The janitor hadn't liked her ever since her blatantly racist comment while talking of the civil war. Honestly though, Dan probably would have done it for free. He didn't like her either.

Like everything else, he wasn't sure if the story was true, but that didn't stop the butterflies from exploding into his chest. He was probably grinning like an idiot as he practically ran to class, the envelope clutched tightly in his hand. He slowed just before he got there though, not wanting to barge in looking insane, especially if the letter was from Dan. No need to scare away his not-crush before anything even had a chance to unfold. Phil really wanted to see why the boy had suddenly realized he'd existed.

Phil knew that there had to be some reason, but his only hope was that Dan too hadn't fallen prey to the whole 'OMG he's rich!' scam the entire school population was so excited about at one point of another. Honestly, Phil knew it would hurt a lot worse if his long withstanding dream was shattered that way. Even if said dream was probably never going to be reciprocated, because Phil honestly didn't know what sexuality Dan was, but with Phil's luck he was definitely straight. Or he was gay and just wouldn't like Phil. Because honestly, who liked Phil without it being because of his wealth and wanting an extra expensive present when the holidays came around? 

No one came to mind, which was an extremely sad thing to think about. He was just a backdrop in Dan's play. Dan Howell was a bad-boy. A rebel. Phil shouldn't like him. If he was being honest, maybe that was the whole reason he did like him. But Phil was rarely ever honest. He didn’t like Dan Howell, he was just... curious. Yeah, that was what this was. Curiosity. Curiosity of what it would be like to just let loose and rebel a little.

And so if he placed the note on top of his binder as his eyes trailed around the room, maybe it was the thought of that curiosity. And if his heart did a weird thing when he caught sight of a known groupie staring at the note with a small smirk, that was totally fair. When the groupie, a girl with dark hair and matching eyes, noticed Phil's gaze on her, he turned his head to focus on the tree trunks from the window. He rested his head on his hand as he gazed at the puffy white clouds in the sky, trying to make shapes out of them.

And if he saw a heart, well that was purely coincidental.

-

_The kiss should have been unevenly matched. Dan had so much more experience than Phil, and the simple thought made Phil feel more self conscious than it probably should have. But it didn't show with the way Phil was kissing Dan, and he didn't seem to notice Phil's lack of experience- which was practically nothing, so it must have been working The way their mouths were working together was as close to perfect as it probably could ever be, and Phil felt a kick of the reckless adrenaline he’d craved when Dan's hand traveled to his hair, tugging gently._

_In response Phil's hands slunk around Dan's neck with more confidence than he usually possessed, and Dan pulled away with a small smirk, like he was about to say something annoying. "You know-"_

The sound of the bell ringing snapped Phil out of his useless daydream. He stumbled out of his seat awkwardly, and he could have sworn he'd heard someone laugh. He grabbed his things quickly, being careful not to tear the letter with his grabby hands. The sight of the letter made him smile softly to himself, because for a moment he'd thought that had been nothing more than a daydream too. He had a habit of confusing reality with daydreams. 

When he'd asked PJ about it, he'd told him that sometimes people did that when their dreams were better than their reality. His dad just told him to get his head out of the clouds.

He wandered to his next class, his eyes trailing over all the people with detached interest. He watched them as they walked, some with a purpose and others like him. Some walked with other people, laughing like they hadn't had a care in the world. Phil envied those people, but if any of them looked up, he only shot them a timid smile before looking another way and hoped they didn't think he was weird for staring. Most people wouldn't think twice, just assuming the boy had zoned out again. It wasn't uncommon.

He sighed, wishing someone would catch him and realize what he was doing. It'd be embarrassing, awful really. But a break from the normal mundane things he walked through every day.

He thought he deserved some kind of change of pace.

-

That night, Phil ate dinner alone. It was a common thing for him to do, his parents were always off working at the business. It was ironic, in a sense. His dad had started the thing to spend more time at home with Phil and his mum, and now they were both never home. It was even more ironic that their business trips effectively gave them more adventure than they would ever let their son dream of.

He shook his head, heading for the stairs to his room with the intention of watching a Buffy marathon whilst he tried to convince himself that there was a good chance it wasn't Dan who had sent him that letter. It could have been anyone. Just in that class, Phil had counted four kids who all had a name starting with D, so why was he still so expectant that it would be Dan? It had to be just sheer hope. 

He didn't particularly like Dan, he really didn't, but the boy brought with him promises of danger and that was something Phil craved. And okay, so maybe he did like Dan. Just a little bit. With those chocolate brown eyes and devil-may-care attitude who wouldn't? It was just the facts.

The moment Phil stepped into his room, he knew something had changed. A draft of cold air came through the window, when Phil was sure he'd shut it. Hell, he could have sworn he'd even locked it. His fear of robbers wouldn’t let him leave the window open when he wasn’t in the room. 

He wandered over, shutting it with a slight frown; although his heart was already thrumming in his chest. Sure, there were a lot of people with the nickname 'D' but how many of them would be able to get into a locked room? The answer was about the same number as who could get into a locker without the combo.

Phil's eyes scanned the room, and just when he was beginning to think of himself as crazy his eyes fell on his dresser. Sitting right in the middle was the music box his mom had bought for him when he was younger. It had been shiny and new when she'd gotten it, but years of time had passed by and now the paint was worn and the box chipped. But it still played the most beautiful song Phil never had the capacity to know the name of. He hardly ever used it anymore, he didn't know why he kept it. But that wasn't what kept his attention. Resting against it was a folded piece of paper Phil was sure he hadn't left there.

Phil grabbed it, almost wincing because he was sure if anyone were to have seen it he would have looked desperate. So he took a breath before unfolding it with shaking hands. He read it over and a small smile dared to grace his lips. It wasn't a long letter, far from it really. All it read was the simple words. 'I'll meet you tomorrow at 7?' But there was more to it than that.

The note was signed Dan.

Phil's smile widened at the name, and he reread it twice just to get it through his head that this was actually Dan. That silly little notion he had running through his head wasn't actually all that silly. Dan Howell wanted to talk to him. Hang out with him. Phil Lester of all people. The little daydreamer whose parents kept him under lock and key while they went to God knows where.

He couldn't help but wonder how Dan had known Phil's parents wouldn't be home. How he knew which room was Phil's, and how he knew Phil wouldn't be in his room when Dan delivered the letter. How he knew he wouldn't get caught, or that Phil wouldn't be terrified of the kid breaking into his room.

But then he realized, Dan probably didn't know those things. He probably was just taking a wild guess and it happened to work out for him. He didn't care if he got caught, he didn't care if Phil's parents had been home. He just decided that was what he was going to do, and then he did it. Phil shouldn't like that. He should be weirded out that Dan could get into his room. That he was so quiet Phil hadn't even heard him up there. But he wasn't. If anything, his heart skipped at the adrenaline from it.

Because Dan Howell was bad for him, but Phil was oh so willing to play along, and tomorrow at seven couldn't come fast enough.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this world, there were several facts they didn't teach you in school. Not all parents really meant to have their kids, tequila leads to bad decisions, and boys like Dan Howell didn't talk to kids like Phil Lester.

School was taking way too long. The minutes ticked by at a rate that made Phil certain the clocks must be broken, because he could have sworn it was 1:43 an hour ago. In the back of his mind, he couldn't help but wonder if this was how most kids felt on Fridays. So excited for it to end that they were practically bouncing in their seat and second guessing every clock they saw. 

The excitement was foreign to Phil, but not unwelcome. Sure, he was always happy to leave school for a few days, but in reality all his weekends were ever spent doing was watching TV and spending too much time online with the occasional break from schedule to invite PJ and/or Chris over for a movie night, so he never had too much to be excited over except for the promise of extra sleep.

But tonight was going to be different. That was an excitement in itself. But it was the reason it was going to be different couldn't keep the smile off Phil's face if he tried. Dan Howell had actually noticed him. Him, of all people.

When he passed by Dan and the groupies, he almost wanted to go talk to him. But today, like every other day, he refrained, telling himself that it wouldn’t be a smart move. Unlike every other day though, today Dan smiled at him when he passed. In response, Phil managed a slightly nervous smile in return. When he turned to head to class, he heard a soft chuckle that he assumed had come from the younger boy.

Smooth Phil, really. He mentally scolded.

In class, he might have daydreamed about clubs and drinks, and maybe a little bit of Dan Howell. But it was okay, because no one would ever see his daydreams. And there, he could admit that he might like Dan.

Just a little.

-

At 7:46 Phil gave up waiting eagerly by the door in the living room. With no small pang of sadness, he realized that this entire thing was probably a prank. Why wouldn't it be? In this world, there were several facts they didn't teach you in school. Not all parents really meant to have their kids, tequila leads to bad decisions, and boys like Dan Howell didn't talk to kids like Phil Lester.

With a sigh, he headed up the stairs to his room. He stopped at the door, running a hand through his hair. When he felt the wind brush his toes and heard a soft and familiar tune from the other side of the door, his eyes widened ever-so-slightly. He opened the door, and his eyes fell on the once again open window, and then at the bed.

Dan was sitting, cross legged with a cigarette between his lips and a lighter in his hands. On his lap, the music box that he'd left the note on the day before was playing melodically. Phil realized that had been the sound he'd heard through the door, although a part of him had known instantly. What was with Dan's fascination with that box? Sure, the music was pretty, but it was old and worn. Nothing too special about it.

He didn't have time to ponder further, because Dan looked up. His eyes met Phil and a small smirk fell onto his face as he set the box aside. "You're late."

With his eyes focused on him so close, Phil could really get the chance to admire the shade of brown. The color itself might have been too common, but the fiery light exploding in them was enough to leave Phil breathless for a moment. His hair was a lighter shade of the same color, and it was fringed off to the opposite side than Phil's. He was wearing his signature leather jacket, a little too tight in all the best places and studded at the shoulders.

"I thought you were going to, you know, knock?" Phil replied lamely when he realized Dan was still sitting there looking at him. Not a daydream. He was going to have to start working on that.

"Now where's the fun in that?" Dan asked with a wave of his hand, the cigarette he'd transferred to it while he spoke jiggling just a little bit. For a second, Phil thought the ash might fall onto the bedspread, but as if Dan heard his thoughts he flicked it into an empty glass Phil hadn't before noticed.

"Not tearing your leather jacket for one, and not getting the cops called on you by my neighbors." Phil offered as a response, more sure of himself this time. He shouldn't be smiling. This was the second time Dan had broken in here. He shouldn't be smiling. But that didn't stop it from forming on his face.

Dan let out a soft laugh, and Phil watched the cigarette move once more. The cigarette itself wasn't very interesting. Just like any other one you'd see in stores or in the streets, but for some reason it interested Phil. Maybe it was because it was just another symbol of rebellion. The smoke staining the air and your clothes and anything else it touched. Marking you as its own. A little nasty habit parents scold over, and one with a legal age restriction. It was a classic symbol of bad boys in everything from movies to books. Phil had never had one (surprise, surprise) but the idea had passed through his head a few times. A break from the mundane.

"Live a little, Lester." Dan replied, crossing his legs and patting the bedspread next to him in invitation. Phil almost pointed out that it was his bed and he didn't need permission to sit, but kept his mouth shut as he accepted anyway.

"You have no trouble with living then?" Phil found himself asking, looking at those brown eyes with such curiosity. "You never get nervous you'll get in trouble?"

Dan smiled slyly in response. "I do get in trouble. Just never bugs me too much." He replied honestly. "Why, you interested in getting into a little trouble?"

Phil shrugged, thinking over the question. He didn't know what to say to that. He did want to get into some trouble, and yet the very thought of admitting it out loud sounded like something far beyond his power. "I might." He found himself saying.

Dan chuckled, almost as if he was amused by the reaction. "If you are, give me a call. I'm always up for doing something stupid."

Phil gave him a small smile in return. "I would, but with all your break-in's I never actually got your number. Unless you want some sort of bat signal."

"I'd never see it. I'm never in town." Dan joked, but the seriousness behind the words didn't go over Phil's head.

Phil nodded in agreement. "Where do you go then?" He asked curiously. He regretted it a moment later. If the kids who have hung out with him for years don't know, what chance would he have of getting it out of him?

Dan didn't seem too annoyed by the question, and instead shot him a mischievous smile. "If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret." He replied, standing up and stretching. "So, what were you doing before I showed up?"

"Watching a Buffy marathon." He admitted, a small blush on his cheeks. His life was so exciting. Maybe he should have lied. But really, what could he have said?

Dan smiled brightly, a brilliant flash of white. "Seriously? I love that show." He beamed, already heading for the bedroom door. "Come on, I'll order us a pizza." He added.

The surprise must have shown on his face, because Dan laughed. Phil found himself grinning despite it, surprise subsiding a bit. What did he think Dan would watch? He didn't seem to be a sporty kind of guy. Why did he expect him to think Buffy was some kind of nerdy show? The fact that Dan offered to pay for pizza was an added bonus. Maybe he really wasn't in this just because Phil's family was rich. Wow, that would be a convenience. A great one, actually.

So he followed Dan, shutting the door behind him out of habit, and wandered downstairs to meet his new guest (if that was what it was called) in the living room. He'd put out his cigarette in the empty can of soda Phil had been too lazy to throw away, and Phil didn’t know why that was disappointing to him.

A small part of Phil hoped the smell would last for a while, maybe then his parents would go out of their way to actually converse with their youngest son. Maybe he'd tell them it was him smoking, just for a break from the boring. Even if it was for something bad, even if it was nothing more than his parents yelling, it was a break from the dullness that he lived day after day. However sad that may be.

He wanted a break from the repetitive nature that was his life. Which was in theory why he was addicted to Dan Howell. This wasn't some stupid little crush. This wasn't to impress his friends or anger his parents. This was because Dan Howell was a bad boy. He was a break from his comfort zone. He was daring, and rebellious, and mysterious. He was what Phil wished his life could be. He liked that.

But right now, you would never know that. Dan Howell, buried under a duvet Phil had left on the couch with his eyes glued to the TV. He looked so similar to Phil's usual day. It was odd, really. Here he thought Dan was always doing something rebellious and crazy, he never really thought about him doing something normal like watching TV.

In the end, Dan ordered the pizza. He looked utterly confused when Phil offered to pay, saying he ordered it, he'd pay for it. For a moment Phil wondered if Dan even knew about his family's money. Sure, their house was nice but it didn't look like it was owned by particularly wealthy people. Was it possible that Dan had no idea? When Phil offered to at least pay half, Dan replied that he could pay next time and they'd be even.

"Yeah sure, next time." Phil found himself saying with a smile on his face.

That night after Dan had left, the raven haired teenager wandered back to his bedroom. The cold air from the still-open window hit his skin almost instantly, making him shudder. He smiled despite it, crawling into bed. He watched the open window as sleep overcame him, for once not worrying about the dangers of robbers.

He was ready for a change of pace.

-

Phil spent the next morning wondering if he was allowed to talk to Dan in school now. Sure, they'd hung out but did that really constitute a friendship? If he tried talking to him, would Dan laugh and tell his groupies that he had no idea what Phil was talking about. He didn't want that... if Dan wanted to keep whatever their friendship (if it was even that) a secret, he wouldn't want to pop the bubble. The teen was built upon secrets, after all.

He didn't get a chance to decide what to do, because, thankfully, it was decided for him. When he passed by Dan (and about six of his groupies because God forbid Dan ever be alone at school), he was met with a wide grin from the other teen- who had been leaning against a locker listening to a girl chat about something that sounded entirely too exciting for Dan to have such a bored look on his face.

"Hey, Phil!" He called brightly, and Phil was sure everyone in the hall had heard him, if their sudden staring was any hint. The groupies seemed more surprised than anyone, though. The girl had stopped speaking mid sentence, but Dan didn’t seem to notice. He laughed, a cheerful sound, and gestured for Phil to come over.

 

His feet were moving before his brain even gave the command, and a moment later he was standing next to Dan, shifting the Calculus book in his arms so it was in a more comfortable place. He gave Dan the best smile he could manage before eleven, pushing his fringe out of his face habitually.

"Yeah?" He asked cheerfully, choosing to ignore the look on the groupies' face. None of them seemed too pleased to have a new entry to their clique, especially considering he didn't have to suck up to get there, and Dan actually seemed to want him to be there. Phil took pride in that.

"I forgot to give you my number. Y'know, since that whole bat signal idea got shot down." Dan informed him with a crooked grin.

He reached out for Phil's arm and without waiting for any confirmation he pushed the sleeve up to his elbow, taking out a pen from his pocket and writing the number on his inner wrist while Phil stood there awkwardly, yet with a smile on his face that couldn’t be denied. For a moment Phil felt oddly like a teenage girl who got hit on at the mall. The thought made him chuckle, and Dan looked at him with sparkling eyes like he had the same idea. Like they were sharing some sort of inside joke neither of them had to say.

Suddenly it didn't feel like they were in a boring hallway at school. Life's mundane features couldn't reach Phil if it tried in that moment. He'd escaped it for a second, and that sparked a new life in his heart that he found he could get used to. As he tugged down his sleeve once more, how could he have known just how far down the path to freedom Dan Howell was going to talk him. Or how much he was going to love it.


	4. Chapter 4

A week later, Phil had been given two separate talks with his parents thanks to his new-found friend. The first one, as Phil anticipated, had been about the cigarette smell that had suddenly filled the house in the past few days. In that moment, when his mother's curious eyes had fallen on him, he'd decided that maybe he didn't want to provoke a fight between them. He didn't need to now. Dan had other things to break Phil out of his daily routine, and he didn't want to risk his mother's anger and losing chances to hang out with the other teen due to punishment. So he pretended he didn't smell it, and the case was dropped, much to his relief. The next day when Dan lit a cigarette from his now-designated spot on the couch, Phil opened a window.

The next talk was with his father, who informed him that his school called to tell him that Phil had missed two days of school that week. Phil was reluctant to admit that Dan had talked him into having a two-day-long video game marathon and he'd forgotten it wasn't the weekend. So he told his dad that he hadn't felt good and had stayed home. His father had left the room with nothing more than a tsk of disappointment that a month ago would have crushed the teen. Instead, he just smiled to himself. After all, his father had bought it.

Things were different between him and his friends, too. The ones that weren’t Dan anyway. PJ and Chris had been worried for the first few days, until Phil decided that if Dan was going to talk to him in the halls that it wasn’t meant to be a secret and told his friends everything. About the note, and the meeting, and even about the pizza. They looked at him like he’d lost his mind, but something must have seemed real to them, because neither of them called him a liar. Maybe they thought it, though. Phil could never really be sure.

Whatever they thought he was really doing, they seemed no less concerned once Phil explained. PJ made him promise not to do anything illegal, no matter what Dan said. He’d already determined that a silly crush shouldn’t cost Phil any jail time, and he looked more than relieved when his friend agreed to that fact. Chris had made a joke about whether or not Phil got to come along on the next big adventure, but Phil quickly brushed away the thought. Dan Howell travelled alone.

Or, he did.

It was about three in the morning when Phil woke up from a dreamless sleep. For a moment, he didn't know why he'd woken up, until he heard it again. A light tapping on his window, too heavy to be a tree branch. He sat up, wiping the sleep from his eyes and cast his gaze to the once-again-closed window. Sitting on a tree branch like he had no idea what time it was, was Dan.

Phil moved over, his feet feeling cold even against the plush carpet of his room. He opened the window, and a brush of cold wind hit him like a brick. It was getting to be too cold to be doing this, he almost said. But something held him back. Instead, he shivered. "Dan?" He questioned, moving a bit to let the other boy in. He didn't move.

Phil blinked, and cast a weary look over the boy, wondering what could have provoked the younger to come over at half past three in the morning. The casting of the full moon shone a light over the teen, and Phil could see him perfectly. As if the moon was yet another cafeteria light, and Dan was the center of the play once more. 

The tips of his ears were turning red from the cold, which was surprising considering how close it was to summer. It was so cold out tonight, but that was the weather of the north. He had a backpack on his back, and he was holding a fuzzy llama hat in his hands that Phil had seen quite often in their short friendship, but never anywhere that anyone could see them. He was wringing it in a seemingly nervous fashion, which didn't match his usual attitude. His eyes weren't shining, and in fact they reminded Phil much like the eyes you'd see on a caged bird. Dan shifted slightly on the branch, and the light exposed a bluish purple bruise under his eye. He looked down at the hat, like he was suddenly so interested by it. Somehow, in that moment of awkwardness, that hat had become the most interesting thing in the world.

The younger boy took a deep breath, like he was about to say something important, so Phil listened closely, holding his breath. "You want to know where I go when I disappear? Now's your chance to find out."

And there it was. The offer that Phil (and most likely everyone else in the school) had been dreaming of for years. Plain, and simple. Laid in front of him on a platter. It wasn't how he imagined it would happen, but then again Phil found that Dan never was. And yet, he couldn't be disappointed, because this was Dan Howell at his bedroom window asking him to come along on what was to be nothing short of an adventure. How could he possibly say no?

He nodded, a small smile on his face. "Alright. Let me grab a bag." He replied before he could talk himself out of it. Before reason could make its way into his mind. He wanted a break from boring, and this was his shot at getting that. 

Dan nodded, looking up at him brightly with a sudden grin on his face that took away any sense of self-doubt Phil might have had.

He finally took the chance to crawl in through the window, and Phil realized then that he'd been waiting for Phil's answer. If he had said no, Dan would have left. Disappeared for God knows how long to God knows where, and Phil would have missed his shot. He'd have spent all that time in his usual moping days, with an occasional break by talking to Chris and PJ. All the while wondering where Dan was, and wondering what kind of devious plans Phil was missing. Pushing that thought aside, Phil didn't dwell on it. He’d made the right call.

Decidedly, he grabbed his school backpack and emptied it out onto the bed, his hands working without his brains orders. The sight of the papers scattered along his sheets was surprisingly pleasing. He smiled to himself for a moment before remembering the task at hand. He finally allowed for his brain to give some input as he headed for his closet. He packed some clothes, a book he'd been wanting to read for a while, and his Polaroid camera. He smiled as his fingers brushed over a photo album of his family before his brother left for college before adding it to the bag after a moment's hesitation.

He gave Dan an assured smile, tossing the bag over his shoulder. He was wearing sweats and a t-shirt, and figured that would work out well enough for now so he didn't need to change. Dan was busy rolling around the music box in his hands, feeling the cool glass against his skin. He looked up at Phil in almost silent question, before placing it into his own bag that Phil hadn't even seen on his shoulders. Phil didn't mind, although he wondered, not for the first time, why Dan was so fond of it.

"You ready to go?" Dan asked carefully, giving him a once-over as if he was trying to see for himself if Phil was actually coming.

Phil wondered for a moment if Dan was regretting his decision of inviting the other teen. Dan had never taken anyone on a trip with him, as far as Phil knew. And he knew that if Dan had decided to take someone along, they'd have bragged about it when they returned. Probably not told a word of what happened, but they'd never have been able to hide the fact that they'd gone. It was too big of a secret. Even now, Phil's once-tired mind buzzed with excitement, and he could feel the urge to tell PJ and Chris where he was about to go. And he hadn't even left the house yet. So what changed? Why did Dan suddenly want the company? Why Phil's company, of all the people? Did that make Phil special in some way?

He wanted to ask, but something told him not to, so he decided to keep his mouth shut despite how badly he wanted to say the words quizzing in his head. Instead, he nodded. "I'm ready." He declared, tossing a sweatshirt over his head and grabbing his wallet from the nightstand. After a moment’s pause, he also grabbed the money hidden in his dresser. Just in case.

"Great." Dan beamed, walking from the room, an air of confidence following him that Phil found himself hypnotized by. He could have blamed that for the stupidity he seemed to be drawn to for the past two weeks, but he knew better. He just did it for the memories.

And the thought of memories and danger made him follow.

-

An hour later, they were each seated on an uncomfortable bus chair. Phil's seat was closest to the window, and he stared as his town faded in the distance. He found himself watching the buildings grow smaller and smaller until they turned a corner and the remnants could no longer be seen. He sighed, and found himself a bit surprised to find that it was a sigh of relief. Phil could feel the dark cloud that seemed to follow him around constantly slowly dissolve, like it was attached the the town by a string. The further away they got, the more the painful ache in his chest lessened. He wasn't sure if this constituted as running away from his problems, but if it were, he didn't think he minded too much. Not if it felt like this. He knew he'd have to come back eventually but right then, in that moment, he suddenly knew why Dan left so much. The freedom that he felt was beyond belief.

He smiled.

He reached into his backpack, pulling out the Polaroid camera before he forgot it was there. He’d grabbed it for a reason, after all. He looked over to Dan, who wasn’t looking at him. Instead, his head was focused on the outside of the window. From where Phil was sitting he could see a calmness in Dan’s eyes that completely differed from the way he looked a few hours prior. Phil wondered if he felt most at home while running away from it.

Phil held the camera up, leaning a bit closer to Dan as he snapped the picture. Dan blinked at the sound, looking away from his view of the grassy scenery as he gave Phil a confused look. Phil giggled softly, shaking the cardboard piece when it came out and showing Dan the finished project. He tilted his head, a small smile coming to his face.

“Planning on documenting the whole trip?” The brunet asked. He sounded more curious than annoyed by the fact, so Phil nodded his head.

“Something to remember when we have to go back.” Phil reasoned, placing the photo on his lap with a small smile.

A small frown appeared on Dan’s face for a moment, and Phil couldn’t help but wonder what he said wrong. Before he had a chance to ask, the look was gone and Dan had begun looking out the window once more.

In the silence, without anything else to do, Phil took a moment to reflect on what happened. A few hours ago, he was laying in bed worrying about school, and his parents. He’d been bored. His dreams hadn’t even been interesting; but now, here he was. On a bus with the bad boy of the school, who seemed happy to have his company. Who sought him out personally to bring along on what could be his last adventure before the school year ended. Before college classes began and the adult word engulfed them. And it was thrilling. 

Whatever person had said that dreams could never match up to reality clearly never met Dan Howell.

Phil couldn’t help but smile, glancing over at Dan before leaning back in his seat with the intent of getting some sleep. Dan would wake him up when they got to wherever they were going, he was sure. The younger boy seemed content to be left alone for the moment, and Phil didn’t want to ruin that, especially if it turned out to be one of the traditions Dan was accustomed to.

“You know your problem Phil? We’ve barely left and you’re already thinking of what will happen when we come back. You need to learn to live in the moment.” He said softly, breaking his silence.

“Isn’t that what you’re planning on teaching me?” Phil found himself asking, and Dan turned to look at him once more, a small smile appearing on his face. Phil had said the right thing.

“Only if you want to learn.”

On that greyhound bus to nowhere leaning against a seat more uncomfortable than school chairs, Phil suddenly felt a lot more happy than he had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget you can totally send me requests for one shots! Send me prompts


	5. Chapter 5

The pair didn't get off until well after the sun rose the next morning. Phil couldn't help but notice that the further away from town they got, the more the caged bird look in Dan's eyes seemed to fade away once more. And although the dark mark under his eye was more prominent in the light, a wide smirk was plastered on his face when the two teens slipped off the bus and into the crowd of people. No one gave the boys a second look, too wrapped up in their own lives to give a single care about the two boys with messy hair and bright eyes.

Phil looked around, but in his excitement all he saw was blurs of people, laughing, texting. Just blobs of all shapes and sizes. He wiped the last remnants of sleep from his eyes as the smell of hot dogs emitted in the air from the street vendors. How long had it been since Phil had eaten one of those? His parents despised the things, and they never kept any in the house. They said it was bad for Phil. Like everything else in his life was good for him. Like being left alone for days on end was good for him.

He yawned, looking around and attempting to figure out where he was. All he really saw was buildings. It looked like every other town, nothing too different about it. Why would Dan want to come here? It seemed just as normal and boring as the town they'd been running away from. Although the fact that this _wasn't_ their town, the fact that their town was miles away and they weren't supposed to be here... that made it seem like it was some sort of magical place to Phil. Special.

It took Phil a moment of staring before he realized that his companion was no longer beside him. For a moment, Phil panicked. Had Dan left him here? What if this was all just a joke? Was that was why Dan had wanted him to come? Dan had never taken someone with him before, why would he start now? He’d just been messing with him this whole time?

Before Phil could think too hard on the panic, his brunet friend appeared once more, with a beaming look on his face. "I thought you might be hungry." Dan replied to the unsaid question that hung in the air.

It was only at that point that Phil noticed he was holding two hot dogs, and he smiled in relief. Of course Dan hadn't left him. The slightly-taller male held out of the grease-filled foods out to him like a present, and Phil accepted it without a second thought. He was already a runaway, he might as well break a few more rules while he was at it. No worse trouble he could get into.

"Where are we?" Phil asked, taking a bite of the food. It was mediocre at best, overcooked and had a slightly plastic taste to it. But it tasted of freedom to Phil, and that was all that was important in that moment.

Dan looked around like he was trying to decipher some sort of code, before his shoulders rose and fell unceremoniously. "Does it really matter?" He asked curiously, and Phil was surprised to realize it didn't.

Phil shook his head, a small smile forming on his face. Before he could say a word though, somehow express the odd feelings swarming inside him, his cell phone rang and the moment was lost. It was PJ, and Phil realized he probably should have expected that. He never missed school. Not before he met Dan, at least.

He answered after a moment of hesitation. "Hello?" He asked, hoping he didn't sound as nervous as he suddenly felt. For his part, PJ was like the scolding mother he never had.

"Where are you? You missed a test in English." He declared. Oh right, Phil had forgotten all about that. Not that it really mattered. The seniors had taken finals last week. The rest of the school year was nothing important.

He looked around, deciding that Dan's answer of 'does it really matter' would not work so well on his slightly panicked friend. "I'm out of town. I'll make up the test later."

"Out of town?" PJ echoed. "Are you with Dan?" He asked, putting the two things together more quickly than Phil ever would have.

Phil smiled sheepishly, even if he knew PJ wouldn't be able to see it. "...He might be with me." He admitted, and Dan raised an eyebrow, curious now that the conversation seemed to be including him.

PJ sighed. "Phil do you really think this crush is a good idea? It was different back before you guys really started talking, but he's trouble Phil." He muttered, like he thought Dan could hear him.

Phil shrugged. "I know." He admitted. "But I know what I'm doing." He added without a moments of hesitation. He really didn't. He had no idea what he was doing. Or why. But he knew that he wanted to. For the first time in forever, he was doing something because he wanted to, and it felt good.

Phil could almost picture PJ shaking his head. From the other end of the like, Phil heard a school bell. "Phil... just be careful, alright?" He told him defeatedly. “And make sure you call.”

"I will." Phil replied with a small smile, taking another bite of his food as he looked around the town. He wondered how long Dan planned on staying here, and what there was to do.

PJ hung up the phone, but not before uttering a final. "Bye Phil."

Phil wondered why that goodbye sounded so final as he turned off his phone.

-

It turned out, much to the pleasure of both boys, there was a carnival in town for the next few days, which gave them something to do other than getting back on another bus and finding out what to do when they landed. They spent the day riding rides that didn't look safe (Phil's parents wouldn't have approved and that only made Phil grin when he realized such to be true) and playing the impossible-to-win games.

Which as it turned out, were not as impossible to win as Phil thought growing up, as Dan ended up winning a little pink stuffed bear wearing a fitted hat a few hours into their adventure, which he promptly gave to Phil because, "It's too girly!" Phil had done nothing but laugh and clutched the toy to his chest. Even if it was pink, it wasn't too girly for Phil in the least. He secretly believed that it wasn't too girly for the leather-jacket-sporting teenager with him either, if the smile on his face was anything to go by.

"Come on Phil, we've still got another hour before it closes." Dan informed him long after night had fallen. In any other circumstance, Phil would have been tired from all the running around, but now? He was too excited for the exhaustion to press its way through.

They made their way over to the concession stand for the final time that night. The cotton candy tasted like diabetes on a paper stick, but that didn't stop Phil from having three of them, enjoying the sickly sweet taste. He didn't look up from his snack until he heard Dan laughing, and even then it was only out of curiosity. He was like a kid who grew up having been denied candy, and was let loose in a candy store. It wasn't so much the candy itself but rather the fact that he could suddenly have it that was so appealing to the teen.

"Phil you've got some in your hair." Dan declared, a grin pressing against his cheeks and exposing his dimples.

"I do not." Phil shook his head disbelievingly, running his hand through his hair anyway. He found nothing, but the way Dan was smiling told him he'd narrowly missed it.

"No, not there. It's right-" He cut himself off, reaching up and pulling the offending piece of candy out of his hair, showing the small fluff ball to Phil before letting it drop to the ground. "There, all gone."

Dan giggled, although if you asked the brunet he'd swear the noise that came out of him was nothing short of a manly laugh. His tongue poked out of his lips for a moment, before he smiled. "How about we head out?" He asked, and Phil nodded in agreement.

It was almost perfect, Phil knew perfection didn't exist, but he was somehow sure this was as close as he had come so far in his life, and decided that if this day was as perfect as he ever came, he would still have come much closer than most people. The freedom he was stilling reeling from mixing in with the sugar high and cute companion. It was something he would never forget.

The boys ended up in a motel room before the night was completely over. Not a very good one, it was the kind where you had the option to pay by the hour, but Phil was much too lethargic to care about the odd smell or the peeling paint. He collapsed onto the (hopefully) clean sheets, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep, but instead he found himself watching Dan as the slightly younger boy dropped his jacket onto the chair by the window, before tugging off his t-shirt and tossing it aside with much less care. The moonlight from the window made his bare skin appear to glow, and Phil found it oddly hypnotic.

After a few moments of watching the boy, Dan caught Phil's eye, but rather than scold Phil for staring, he laughed, white teeth flashing for a moment before Phil even had the chance to be embarrassed.

Dan fell into bed beside Phil, seeming to ignore the second bed that had been given to them in the room. The lady had thought they were a couple, but her nerves seemed to dim a lot when Dan asked for two beds. Not that he apparently seemed to be wanting to use the second one. Phil smiled at him shyly, tilting his head to the side. Dan had stayed the night on occasion before they left, and they'd of course shared the bed in Phil's room. But the blue eyed male couldn't help but feel that this was different. Dan didn't have to sleep beside Phil this time, he was choosing to; and the thought filled Phil’s head with questions he was too tired to ponder.

"G'night Phil." Dan mumbled, burying his face into one of the pillows. The day seemed to have taken its toll on Dan as well. Phil chuckled, settling himself underneath the blankets, which were surprisingly warm. It was only then he remembered his phone, turning it on and seeing he had four missed called from his mother, and two from his father.

For a moment, he was hopeful that they were worried about him. Maybe they actually cared for what he was doing for once. When he pulled the voicemail up to his ear to listen to the messages, that hope broke. The first one was from his mother, talking about how annoyed she was that he missed his tutoring session. The one from his dad was just expressing his disappointment in general. Neither of them seemed to be worried about him.

He swore softly, disappointment filling him. Beside him he felt Dan turn around to look at him. The understanding smile that he gave over to Phil calmed his nerves a bit as he sent a text message telling his parents he was okay. He was sure by this point PJ had already confessed to them as much, if they'd thought to ask him, but he still wanted to tell them himself. Before he could get another barrage of texts, he turned his phone back off with a soft sigh. He didn't want to ruin his day. Not this day.

Dan seemed to understand, and shifted closer, allowing the older boy to bury his head in his chest tiredly. "I don't want to go back." Phil found himself admitting. "Back to the boring, back to my parents ignoring me... I don't want to go back."

Dan smiled down at him softly. "Then don't." He replied as if it was the most simple thing in the world. With the confident way he said it, it almost seemed that simple. "We don't have to go back yet." He murmured.

Phil nodded thoughtfully, and when he closed his eyes he dreamed of freedom.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, the two boys were awoken by loud yelling coming from somewhere below them. Phil didn't even open his eyes, although the dazed and still mostly-asleep part of him wondered if he'd left the TV on downstairs in the living room before going to bed. Once he realized where he was, and that he definitely left no TV on, he stirred from bed tiredly. Dan still seemed asleep, so Phil wandered to the window as silently as he could muster so early in the morning.

Below him, were two cop cars with their lights flashing, and three uniformed officers standing around them. One was speaking to the motel owner, who was waving his arms dramatically and shouting words Phil couldn't quite hear. Almost as if he'd been summoned, Dan was suddenly beside him. Phil could feel his presence although his eyes never left the scene below him for several minutes, feeling frozen in time.

The ravenette looked over at his companion with wide eyes. "Do you think they're here for us?" He asked slowly, trying to think straight.

He was no longer tired, any remnants of sleep had been lost the moment he saw the flashing lights. His heart was beating in his throat and it was slightly hard to breathe. What were they going to do if it was for them? Now, now, he calmed to himself. They hadn't broken any laws. They'd probably just be returned to their parents. Back home, safe and sound. It wasn't like they robbed a bank or anything, they just ditched class. That wasn't illegal, was it? Not from what he could remember at least. He should have been relieved, but in all honesty returning home sounded worse than spending a few nights in jail. Home would be nothing more than solitary confinement with the occasional disappointed stare that only parents seemed to know how to do.

"Do you really want to find out?" Dan asked, tilting his head to the side. Phil shook his head, eager to hear whatever idea Dan had to get them out of the situation. Thus was the magic of Dan Howell.

Within a moment, both boys were grabbing their backpacks, and Phil was thankful that he had been too tired to unpack. He took a look at the cell phone he'd left on the end table, but made no move to go get it. He knew how easily it was to be tracked off one, and for some obvious reasons he didn't want that to happen if they managed to get out of this tricky situation.

Dan threw his shirt back on with an expert motion Phil almost wished he'd had more time to appreciate. Phil looked at the door, wishing that they'd opted for a hotel instead. It might have been a bit more money, but the plus side to hotels? Interior hallways. If they took a step out that door, they'd be spotted immediately.

Dan seemed to have been thinking something along the same lines, because Phil could see the small scowl forming on his face. "Alright, plan B. The bathroom window."

"What was plan A?" Phil asked.

Dan shrugged. "Irrelevant." He declared. He was already heading for the bathroom, and Phil thought of nothing else he could do but follow the boy.

Climbing out of a window on the second story was much more difficult than people made it seem in movies. Or how unfairly simple Dan made it look, but then again he'd been practicing. He didn't even seem to flinch at such a high drop, just reached out and grabbed the tree branch, swinging a bit to reach the trunk before climbing down from there. Phil really needed to figure out where Dan became such a ninja. Was that something that came with the leather jacket? If so he'd need to get one after this was over.

Phil himself was much less skilled in his own way down, and he was extremely surprised when he didn't hit the ground painfully. It must have been a stroke of luck, because he had no idea how he managed to have such agility when usually he couldn't even climb a set of stairs without getting winded. He gave Dan a nervous smile when he made it to the ground, his stomach having a fluttery, nervous feeling as if his stomach wasn't aware he was no longer climbing down. The bright smile he got in return was bright enough to make him think that he'd done something much greater than he really had done.

"Come on, we gotta go." He laughed, as if there was nothing wrong right now, as if the other side of the building wasn't filled with cop cars, and they were just on a stroll. Maybe in his mind they were.

Dan nodded his head as if in confirmation to Phil’s thoughts, and a moment later they were heading towards the road, hands in their pockets and blending in completely with the world around them. Phil took a peek behind them, unable to resist, just in time to see a man in a white t-shirt being handcuffed and all-but-thrown into the back seat of the car. 

So they hadn't been there for them. That made the entire moment they'd just had all but useless. _They could have stayed in bed for a little while longer,_ Phil thought to himself. He looked over at Dan, who seemed to have come to the same conclusion. The moment their eyes met, the two boys were in a fit of laughter. Neither of them knew who started it. A chuckle from one, a smile from the other, and then they were laughing so hard neither of them could breathe.

"Well now we know who to thank for that lovely wake up call." Dan said through laughter, and that only made Phil laugh even harder, clutching his stomach because it was beginning to ache in the good way.

"Yeah, we'll have to send him a card." Phil declared with a wide smile of his own.

When the laughter died down, not until after several odd looks from people on the street, the two were left with nothing but their own thoughts. Finally, Dan raised an eyebrow at his companion. "So, I guess this means you're really not ready to go back?" He asked, and Phil could hear the hopefulness in his voice.

He smiled, nodding his head. "Not if you don't want to." he decided without much thought. He was happy to be here, with Dan. He didn't want to run back home now. He was having too much fun.

Dan laughed, shaking his head. "It's pretty rare that I’m ready to go back after a night." He replied, and Phil knew how true that was from how long Dan managed to be gone before coming back.

Phil wasted no time in asking. "Well then where are we going next?"

Dan looked at him, and the look on his face told Phil that what he said next was going to be much more important than it might sound. "Phil Lester, we're going on an adventure. Dan Howell style." He replied with a smirk.

Phil wanted to point out that such an answer didn't actually answer his question at all, but then again he didn't think he wanted to know. After all, he didn't ask the first time and he got a day of fun at a carnival and a cute little stuffed bear in reward. Anything Dan Howell did on his adventures had to be fun, or he wouldn't stay away for so long. Right? 

Besides, he was known for his dangerous and edgy side. So whatever they were going to do promised rebellion and freedom, and that was just what he needed. He needed a rest, and some time away from being Phil Lester, the boring goodie-two-shoes with well-off but apathetic parents. He wanted to be something else for a little while. He wanted to be Phil Lester, bad boy who hangs out with the infamous Dan Howell. He wanted to party the night away, he wanted to do something bad and stupid.

He wanted something to remember.

So instead of asking anymore questions, he nodded his head. "Lead the way." He replied, a small smile tugging at his lips. Dan nodded, turning around and heading in the direction of the bus stop they'd come here from the day before.

The two didn't talk much for a while after that. The only sound they made was the snapping of their shoes on the pavement. Phil found himself looking around, his good mood not at all diminished by the silence. He looked at the town, he looked at their shoes and the concession stand with the grouchy looking man running it. He pulled out his camera after a few moments, taking a picture of the town around them, catching the ferris wheel in the distance. He smiled at the photo happily, putting it in his pocket to show Dan later. Maybe he would make a scrapbook. Not that he'd be able to show anyone, but it would be pretty fun to have. A book of all the memories he would have to know.

When they got to the buses, Dan paid for two, and Phil could hear that they were heading south. Not a location, but a direction. It was close enough. He didn't even think Dan knew where they were going yet, so he couldn't very well demand a more specific place. He watched everyone beginning to board, and Dan followed them, up the stairs. Just before he turned and disappeared out of sight, he noticed Phil wasn't following.

His brown haired friend turned, giving him a slightly quizzical look. He must have misread the reason of Phil pausing, because the older male could detect something in his eyes that looked a lot like he was expecting Phil to tell him he changed his mind and that he wanted to go home. Which would be a preposterous notion, not only because Phil Lester had already decided that this would be his symbol of rebellion, but because no one in Northwestern High School would dream of turning down a chance to experience a Dan Howell adventure. Even despite all that, Phil had no idea why Dan seemed so lost at the very idea of Phil taking off, he was almost always alone on these trips anyway, what would be the difference this time? What was so different about this trip?

Phil pushed the thought aside. He didn't want to even think about something being wrong. Dan just didn't like the idea of being rejected, was all. He probably didn't want Phil to take off back for home and talk all about where he and Dan went. Not that he would, in his mind this was their secret. The entire school might know that Dan and Phil were together right now, but he wasn't going to give them any details when they showed back up. They were a little secret for the two to share by themselves. A normal trip for Dan Howell, but one he chose to share this time with the dorky kid who played Sonic in his free time. The one who needed a change of pace that Dan seemed to be happy to give. No, there was nothing different about this trip. It was just an added adjustment.

"Say cheese." He said gently, not saying anything to coax the nervous look in his eyes, but knowing it would go away anyway. The moment Dan caught on, Phil took the picture, pleased with how nice he found it looking. It caught Dan in his more natural place, leaving.

He chuckled, smiling as he followed, not wanting to get yelled at by the bus driver- or worse, left. Dan took the photo from his hand and looked it over, seeming to be happy with it as well. He handed it back as he headed to his seat, with Phil following right behind him. Their seat was under the brightest light, and Phil couldn't help but think that even here, where no one was watching, Dan still managed to be in the center of the play. But now, he had a costar who he seemed to be happy sharing some spotlight with. Phil was no longer hiding behind the curtains. 

He was in the show now.


	7. Chapter 7

Phil's eyes didn't open until the third bump, which shot him so close to the roof of the bus that he nearly got himself decapitated. Even then, his eyes fell open lazily, and he found himself wondering if it was worth it to just go back to bed and wait a while to get up for real. But when he caught sight of Dan, the younger boy was already awake and alert, headphones dangling from his ears as he looked at all the other passengers like they held some sort of secret, and Phil suddenly wasn't tired anymore. 

If he could look at Dan all the time, he would never need sleep. He would just watch in some sort of helpless one-sided staring contest for the rest of his life and be completely happy just like that. Because even without trying, Dan seemed to exert some sort of electrifying way about him that just held the attention of anyone who caught sight of him, and Phil was no exception. Far from it, really. He was the rule.

He didn't look away until Dan caught him staring, flashing him another smile not unlike the time he caught Phil watching him take his shirt off. Even then, he only looked out the window to try to gather how far they'd been driving, and therefore how long he'd been asleep. It'd been two days since their little run in at the motel, and most of it had been spent on buses. Not that Phil minded, they took turns trying to beat each other's scores on Dan's gameboy and made up little stories about other passengers to help pass the time.

This time, Phil didn't see anything that could help lead him to a conclusion of where they must be. The road was badly destroyed, and all the potholes had been the reason for his early wake up call. He didn't see any familiar building or landmarks, and quickly realized he was as lost as he probably could ever be. But there was a way to change that. He looked back over to his brunet companion (well, not _his_ but... Dan. He was Dan. Not his anything.) who smiled at him like he hadn't been caught staring yet again. 

Phil wondered if all the smiles were supposed to encourage him. Did Dan like catching him staring? Or did he just not mind it? If it bothered him he would have told Phil to knock it off by now, so he assumed it wasn't a problem yet. He hoped so, at least, because he caught himself looking at Dan even when he didn't mean to, and if the habit was getting on Dan's nerves he had no idea how to fix it. Maybe that's why Dan wasn't annoyed with it. Was he used to it? Everyone staring at him as if he was made of gold? Phil didn't think he would mind if someone looked at him like that.

"Dan? Do you know where we are?" Phil asked, tilting his head towards his younger male, who looked out the window for a few moments before looking back at him.

His attempts at figuring out where they were must have been more successful because Phil could see the way he lit up. "Almost there. You're going to love this Phil." He replied with a secretive smile that promised trouble- not that Phil minded. He was in the mood for trouble. It was just another thing that Dan Howell did to him.

"Do I get to know what about it I'm going to love or no?" Phil asked curiously, raising his eyebrows although he already knew the answer before it was even past Dan's lips.

"No. Then it wouldn't be as much of an adventure." He replied just as cheerfully as if he had just won the grand prize out of a raffle.

Phil sat back against the (uncomfortable) seat and nodded his head compliantly. "You better be working that Dan Howell charm then." He teased, grinning at him.

"Aren't I always?" Was the reply he received.

-

The place in question was in a small town near the edge of the county, and Phil realized they were a hundred miles from home and he still had no idea where he was supposed to be going. Following his heart would have been the right response, but honestly he was just following Dan and that was close enough. The way Dan's eyes lit up when they stepped off the bus into the non-stale air was better than any emotion his heart could possibly send his way.

"So where's this amazing place I'm going to love?" Phil asked with a smile already coming to his face because if Dan was willing to show it to him then he knew he was going to love it. Probably more than his companion would ever know.

As Dan tugged him along the streets that were more dirt than concrete, Phil imagined they were made of something much more precious. Platinum streets and flickering golden showers coming from the street lamps that were barely working. The town itself was all but deserted, although someone more romantic than Phil would claim that the town belonged to the two of them. He thought he liked the sound of that better.

When Dan pulled him inside some bar that didn't look at all special but had a sign announcing live music out front, Phil had already pictured how this was going to go in a time that seemed so far away. When he was old and turning grey, this was the kind of place he would visit in a silent kind of reminiscence on the days of young and free only for a moment. And how at the time, that moment felt like enough. 

The inside of the bar was about as mundane seeming as the outside, it's brown walls looked clean for the most part but the floor squelched unpleasantly beneath his feet and the bar was covered in some sort of alcohol whose smelled emitted so bluntly that Phil for a moment had the urge to cover his nose against it. Dan, unsurprisingly considering how at home he seemed to be in the bar, didn't appear to be phased by the smell, nor by the burly men who were nursing their drinks like a lifeline. 

Phil didn't pay much attention to their faces, he knew they would all begin to look the same and when he did end up coming back here in his old age these faces would look the same as the ones then despite the fact these men would all be dead and buried by that time. When someone is rugged down with hardship it tends to show in the same way they bow their heads and slump their shoulders with heaviness. See it enough and it's like you've only seen the same man.

Dan walked like he knew where he was going, with the pressing confidence that made Phil follow without once glancing at the bartender who would have asked to see an ID and long since kicked the raven haired male out had he been alone but seemed to resign himself to wiping out his shot glass. Dan's ability to lie completely through body language was something that people should take note of, write down the complexity of even his most simple of movements. Because Phil didn't think it was natural to be able to do something like that with just body language and this had to be a new discovery all Dan's own.

When the complexity that had taken form in a teenager got to the door near the far side of the bar he didn't knock before entering, and for a moment Phil thought he'd gone to the bathroom and realized he should probably wait at the bar for him to come out; but the way the brunet held the door open for a few moments extra told him that wasn't the case, so he followed without so much as reading the sign above the door. 

Had he done so he might have been a little more prepared for the painted red walls and flashes of gold in the form of tables and chairs. It was as if it was a whole separate world from the room outside and Phil decided that this was one of those moments were judging a book by its cover would do you no good.

A girl with her blonde hair tied behind her head waltzed over with a confidence about her that could almost have rivaled Dan's own; but the look in her eyes didn't shine with the same need for adventure and somehow it just didn't seem as right to Phil without it. He smiled at her anyway, too in awe about the surprise room to be disappointed by the lack of fire that he knew could only shine in the eyes of one.

"Jason, it's so good to see you. How's life been treating you?" She was the type of person who seemed unnaturally excited about things, her voice reminding Phil of a waterfall. 

Phil's eyes traveled to Dan- who didn't seem to notice she had gotten his name wrong entirely. Maybe that had been the point. In a town where no one knew your name, it would be easy to make one for yourself.

"Not too bad. I visited Italy for a while. I was hoping to gain the accent but it didn’t seem to want to stick." He replied with a small smile on his face.

It amazed Phil how seeming completely natural Dan with the lie- or maybe it wasn't a lie. Phil had no idea where the brunet had gone the last time he disappeared, just as he probably wouldn't know the next. He thought that this was one of those once in a blue moon type of deals, never to be repeated. He wondered though, if Dan would continue to go alone. The next time he became a little too much of a flight risk would he take some other bright-eyed teenager who felt the world at their fingertips just from the offer? This place seemed like it could get awfully lonely otherwise.

The girl giggled, and the tone was sweet like just a little too much honey on your spoon- but her smile was genuine. The look she casted 'Jason' meant they knew each other from more than one occasion. He was an old friend of hers, Phil could tell it. How close could two people be though if one didn't even know the other's name?

"One day I swear you're going to come in here with an accent that I won't even be able to recognize." She commented in amusement before turning her attention to Phil. "And who's your friend?"

Dan smiled, one of those Cheshire cat smiles which meant he had been awaiting the question and already had an answer waiting. "His name is Nick, I met him out in Paris when I went visiting, he's my travel companion for this trip. Nick, this is Louise."

Nick. He would have to remember that. Especially since he was pretty sure if he let it slip that was a fake name he might be blowing Dan's fake alibi as well and he didn’t was to ruin the illusion, especially if Dan came here often. So he flashed Louise a smile as they were led to their seats- fighting to ask what this place was meant to be. An addition to the bar maybe? Something that they meant for the people who still felt like they were too good for the dingy and smelly section just outside? They must have been the ones drinking to remember, whereas the ones outside, the ones with their faces inches off the counter and drinking as if it was the only thing in the world keeping them alive, they were drinking to forget. 

If that were the case, Phil belonged here. In this pretty section with its gold and red. Because this was the time he didn't want to forget. He wanted to remember every bit of it. The sleeping on buses, being woken up by the sound of police sirens, a Ferris wheel that let him see the entire town. All of it, with Dan. Phil had a fear that if he forgot any little moment of this then the whole time wasn't worth it. He had a bigger fear, a more prominent one, that he would wake up soon and find this had all been a very vivid dream. He had them before, never about Dan. Never about brown eyes that held the world in them and a sly smile that said he knew it. But he'd had them. He could be having another. Each day that passed made it less likely, but the worry still clung to him.

When Louise left, she had written something down although Phil didn't remember ordering anything. He would have asked, but he honestly was content with being surprised. He didn't think Dan would tell him anyway, so instead he leaned into the cushion of the chair a little more and surveyed the room, letting a small smile fall on his face.

"You know-" he began in the silence, and he felt Dan's eyes fall on him although for once, he wasn't the one looking. "Red is the color of extremes. Usually anger, but red is the color of danger and adventure too. It's fitting." He commented thoughtfully.

Dan seemed to be thinking that over, and had this been a week ago Phil would have wondered if he'd said the wrong thing, as he so often did. Now, he couldn't make himself feel nervous. Dan must have seen something in him, something Phil never could. Otherwise, why would he break his own rules? Why would he take Phil along on some magical adventure, why would he be showing Phil all the things he'd never told anyone?

"Anger? I remembered it more as passion." He said finally, and Phil spared a glance over at him to see his head was tilted to the side in curiosity as he seemed to be trying to grasp at a memory that wasn't quite there.

Phil nodded. "I think it was both." he replied, remembering how his teacher spent so much time telling them all the differences between colors and their connotations. Red had been Phil's favorite. Extremeness and adventure. It had been why he remembered it so well.

Dan let a small smile come to his face. "Well if this room is going to be the symbolism for our time here, that sounds like a fun time. Keep your eye out for some passion."

Phil laughed softly as Louise came back, setting two drinks down at the table. They were the same yellowish brown color, and Phil gathered they were the same drink. Dan's usual? Or Jason's? Phil was already beginning to forget the name even with the fact he'd told himself to remember it. He hadn't even begun drinking yet.

They both picked their glasses up at the same time, awkwardly making them clink together to which Dan laughed and said 'cheers' before downing the shot. The way his nose crinkled slightly when he did was cute- but didn't do much to prepare Phil from the burning sensation that hit the back of his throat when he drank his own. He coughed, tried to stifle it, and only managed to cough harder. Dan laughed, the sound brilliant even at Phil's expense. Phil couldn't help but smile, even if his lips quivered slightly from more coughs attempting to sneak their way past.

"Cheers." Dan repeated, his grin goofy.

Phil nodded, giving him a small laugh in return. "I'm not used to drinking." He admitted as if it hadn't been completely obvious from his reaction to the drink, which if he were being completely honest was his first.

"I should have warned you about it, whiskey burns. I probably should have started you off with something a little less strong." He commented thoughtfully, the last part more to himself than Phil.

Phil shook his head, letting his fringe fall in front of his face for a moment before becoming annoyed with it and pushing it aside again. "I like it." He declared.

-

Three or four shots later and Phil was almost regretting the idea of liking the drink. He did, the burn was awkwardly pleasant with the way it tingled the back of his throat and the roof of his mouth- although the actual taste of the drink left something to be desired. On the third drink he’d remembered some people mix it with soda, but the coke lost its fizz and the taste of whiskey was only slightly more diminished, so he went back to the regular way.

Dan was doing fairly better than Phil was, but he got progressively more talkative with the more alcohol he consumed, first starting out with silly things like Sonic games, then about his teachers and his grades, then deeper things. Things that gave him existential crisis's (as he liked to call them, Phil didn't think he'd ever heard them called that before, but couldn't think of a better suited word other than emotional breakdowns) like how they were all going to die one day and it would just be like a spec of dust. Phil didn't think he liked it like this. Dan looking like a kicked puppy and losing all the confidence and swagger he had whilst sober. It made him rethink all the levels of Dan that he'd been mentally mapping out as he saw them. He listened anyway, because it seemed to help when he ranted about it.

"You know I had a dream the other day an' I was sitting on this hill looking down over a really pretty water fall. And I was dressed in all white, which was when I realized somethin' was wrong because- y'know." He gestured to his all black outfit with the hand holding his drink, spilling some onto his jeans. He didn't seem to notice.

"And an angel came up to me, halo and everything. He said I died and that this place was my heaven. I was all alone Phil. I didn't think I should be all alone in my heaven." He sounded like a wounded child, looking at Phil with eyes that were almost too innocent for someone like Dan.

Phil would have flinched if he had been thinking harder. He would have flinched if he was sober enough (and the next morning when he was, he did flinch) to realize that this was why he was here. That Dan didn't want to be alone.

Even half-drunk, his mind seemed to know what to say. Better than his sober mind would have, in all honesty. "I won't leave you alone."

If Dan believed him, the only indication was that he let the conversation drop. And the small, relieved smile that adorned his face for a while to come. Something about that smile seemed different than the others. More like the Dan that came to him and sat at the tree branches, waiting for him to wake up. Waiting for him to agree to come along on an adventure. The Dan that didn't think Phil would want to go. 

Something about that smile made Phil want to kiss him. But really, now that Phil was drunk enough to think about it, he always wanted to kiss Dan. Whether it be while he looked like a kicked puppy or when he was giving that sly look that screamed rebellion. He'd wanted to kiss him for a long time, dreamt about kissing him. Even before they properly spoke. But everyone wanted to kiss Dan Howell, and Phil was sure that meant someone else would, if Phil didn't. Eventually. But something inside him refused to use that thought. Four shots of whiskey and yet he somehow still didn't have enough liquid confidence to kiss the brown eyed boy looking at him right now with an emotion he couldn't place.

Maybe it was because Dan Howell was too enigmatic for the whiskey. Or maybe it was because that's what Phil wanted to believe.

-

They ended up sleeping there that night, a small little back room which had beds. Louise had joked about them only being for sleeping. Phil had worried the place would close down and they'd be trapped there, but didn't voice the concern with the way Dan was half leaning on him and speaking once more about his dreams- good ones this time. They couldn't go anywhere if they tried. So he accepted the offer, leading them back and only stumbling twice- one of which was because Dan seemed to get distracted by something and turned around under Phil's arm.

By the time they woke up in the morning, the bar was already open and Louise had made them coffee, a knowing look on her face as Dan complained about a hangover. Phil had only laughed, sinking into his seat a little more and sipping at the coffee.

By the time they left, finally, it was near sunset. Phil was almost sad to leave, but Dan had that fire in his eyes that he had lost last night, and that was good. As much as he liked knowing more about his friend (yes, he'd determined they were indeed friends) he didn't like how hopeless he seemed to get sometimes.

When they stood in line for the only bus that ran through the tiny little dust-town Phil still wasn't even sure where they were. He wasn't sure if his family was missing him, what he was missing out on in school. Anything, really. But he felt more content than he had in the longest time. He also felt the most confused. Especially concerning the many-layers-of-Dan he was beginning to notice.

When Dan took his hand as the bus pulled in front of him, Phil wasn't sure if that was another layer or not. But he didn't pull away.


	8. Sorry

So, as it's been pretty damn plain to see, I've been gone. Not on some cool adventure like Dan and Phil's, but just lost. And now I'm back. I'm back and I'm going to finish this. I'm going to edit the chapters I've made already and I'm going to fall in love with this story I've made, and I don't expect you guys to forgive me (or believe me) but I'm going to finish this. The way it's been playing in my head since the first chapter. 

I'm going to do this right.

So if you want to stick around (or reappear) I'm going to be editing all this chapters and I'm going to get this all sorted out. And the next chapter will be up within a few days. Because this story deserves to be told, and I want to be the one to tell it.

As of now (10:23 PM on 6/16/2016) the story is as edited as it's going to be for now. So if you want to get back into the story, I suggest rereading it because I did change some things and even if it's not majorly relevant to the plotline it does change the dynamic of the characters for the next few chapters, and slows down the pace a little. For now.


	9. Chapter 9

“What about her?” Phil asked in a slightly hushed tone, attempting not to alert the girl he was pointing at. She couldn’t have been more than fifteen, long brown hair tied back into a braid and head faced towards the window. She looked, interesting. Holding something about her that exhaled mystery.

They were making another game of making stories for the passengers on their bus, and Phil figured if anyone would be able to decipher the code of this girl, even simply a fake one, it would be Dan. They held something about them that seemed to be the same. The way they carried themselves perhaps. A mixture of oozing confidence yet at the same time a warning that promised mischief.

He didn't take a moment to think about it, answer already gliding from his lips. “That’s easy. She’s on a mission.” He declared, his tone just as quiet as Phil’s and yet somehow booming. Captivating.

“A mission?” Phil echoed, happy to play along if it meant he would keep talking.

Dan nodded his head as if the answer was simple. “She’s on a mission to find something.” He said, and Phil caught notice of something in his eyes softening as he added. “Her treasure.”

“So she’s like a pirate?” Phil asked, tilting his head to the side. Dan shook his head, nose crinkling slightly.

“Pirates steal things, her treasure is already hers. She just- lost it. And now she’s on a mission to get it back.” He declared.

Phil didn’t get a chance to ask what the girls treasure was, although he wasn’t actually sure Dan knew either, before the bus came to a lurching halt and Dan was suddenly to his feet, excitedly motioning for Phil to follow him off the bus. Phil wondered if he was about to see something exciting, or if this newfound cheer was to make up for last night. The moment when Dan didn’t look so excited. When he looked, human. Not like a myth or a legend, but a teenager who’d been given too much whiskey.

He wasn’t sure, but he followed along willingly. Because this was still Dan Howell, and he would always follow him willingly. He ignored the pestering thoughts in his head that reminded him that maybe his friend would get tired of that, annoyed by it. That maybe the next time he went on an adventure Phil wouldn't be asked to join him. Hell, by that time Phil could be God-knows-where in college. College. That was a scary thought.

For a moment he remembered the reason he was here. Memories, something to bring along with him before he had to go back to the real world; where everything that awaited was more terrifying than the thing’s he’d already been forced to deal with. He thought of college, how he’d already been accepted to two and how he was going to have to make that choice before the end of summer. How he was going to have to choose his entire future based on what he was feeling like in a single moment. He pushed the thought away, trying to remember when Dan told him to live in the present. That was what this was for. For now, ignoring the future for a while. Like a true adventurer. Someone that Dan would be proud of. Maybe Phil would be allowed to go on more of these, if he didn’t freak out so much.

"Do we have an endgame in mind here, Dan?" Phil asked with a small smile. He wasn't sure if he meant the town or the trip in general, but honestly he wasn't sure if it mattered anyway. The question was formed more out of habit than an actual expectancy of an answer.

"I have to talk to someone." Dan replied a little distractedly, looking around with a much more alert look in his eyes. Like there was something in particular he wanted to see. "And then tonight I figured we could see a movie."

A movie, that sounded so normal. Phil pushed away the thought, deciding to ponder the more mysterious side of the answer. "Who are we talking to?"

Dan glanced up from his search and flashed Phil a sly look, one that was much more Dan-like than the rest of this day had been. It made him almost relieved to see it. "Let's just say after tonight I'll have more of a set destination for this road trip." He commented seriously.

That single statement filled Phil with a mixture of both excitement and fear. The warning bells in his head were ringing, telling him that he should be asking more questions, but the relief that came from this side of Dan, the side that knew what he was doing, was enough to make him ignore it. He smiled back, nodding his head almost as if to assure himself that this wasn't going to be as bad as he thought. After all, Dan hadn't died on one of these trips yet. What would be the odds that he started now?

"Sounds like a plan. Am I going to be allowed to know where these plans are?" Phil asked, cocking his head to the side as he waited for an answer. Dan had already gone back to looking, but Phil didn't miss the way his shoulder's tensed when Phil asked.

"Some of it." He replied after a moment's hesitation. "It's only fair, right?" He added, and Phil smiled at the way Dan lit up when he spotted whatever he'd been looking for. The older boy followed his gaze, catching sight of the coffee shop which seemed to be their destination.

Phil took a seat near the window, watching Dan sit down across from him, fiddling with his hands. He looked nervous, but the excitement in his eyes was familiar enough to Phil. The same excitement that seemed to stay close to him, for the most part, all the time. A caged bird that had just been freed and was happily awaiting life's next adventure. Except, right now it seemed that Dan was waiting to make his own. Which was just as exciting to Phil, as long as he was allowed to follow along with whatever this brown eyed boy wanted to go. Because if he was honest with himself, he was sure he would follow him anywhere.

"Hang on a second, Phil, I'll be right back." Dan said, voice coming out just as calm as ever, but the trembling in his hands gave him away as he stood up and walked over to the line of people. 

For a moment, it seemed like he was just waiting in line. But it didn't take long for the man in front of him, a gruff looking man that seemed closer to Phil's parents age than his own, turned around and cast him a once over. He nodded his head, beginning to speak in a low tone which Phil couldn't have heard if he strained to. In fact, the way he was speaking made it appear like the people around them couldn't either. Dan nodded once, a look of apathy on his face, but whatever the man was looking for he seemed to find in Dan's eyes. For all his lying, Phil didn't think Dan could hide his emotions from his eyes.

The man held out a small box that seemed to be produced out of nowhere, and Dan didn't hesitate before taking it. Like it was natural. His treasure. Phil wondered if that was the case. If he was really like the girl he’d been talking about earlier on the bus. Maybe that was why it didn’t take him long to find her a story.

Dan didn’t bother to look inside at first. He went through the line, and it was only when the man had gathered up his order and left that the apathy on his face gave way to a look of barely-contained excitement. More emotions than Phil thought he had ever seen on Dan’s face seemed to light up as he ordered something to the barista, running his hand over the little box.

When he came back, he was holding two coffees. “We’re going to west.”

And that was all Phil needed to know.

-

He ended up calling PJ outside of the bus stop the next morning, before the two left. His friend seemed annoyed by the idea of him staying out there any longer than he already had, but resigned himself to the knowledge that Phil was going to come back when he was ready. Or when Dan was, whichever came first. Because at the moment, Phil didn’t think he would ever be ready to come home. He was at the edge of the earth looking down at the world through new eyes, all thanks to the work of a teenager who didn’t know the meaning of a normal life.

He bit his tongue to keep from speaking of all he’d learned. About how Dan was a man of many names, and how he spoke of different countries as if he knew them well. About how they’d spent the night in a bar made of gold and now were heading towards a place based solely on the word of a man who could be anyone.

Somehow, he didn’t think that was something he was supposed to tell. Dan never spoke of his travels, and Phil didn’t think he was meant to either. So when the conversation hit a lull, and he heard Chris ask the inevitable question, he replied in the most Dan answer he could think of. 

“If I were to tell you, then it wouldn’t be a secret, right?” He asked, a small grin on his face as he met eyes with Dan, who seemed pleased with the answer. Like he’d passed a test.

“Do best friends really count?” PJ asked, seeming to give up his worry for curiosity. Not that he could be blamed. Everyone in the school was buzzing about it, according to his friends. They all knew Phil had travelled along for the ride. Phil hid his excitement at the knowledge that people were talking about him. Like they did about Dan.

“I think everyone counts.” Phil replied absently. “Otherwise, nothing would really be a secret.”

He didn’t have to be there in person to know that sigh meant PJ was nodding, and Crabsticks probably had a frown on his face. He hadn’t meant to disappoint his friends, but really they should have seen the answer coming. Maybe later, when he was home, he would tell of the more minor things. Just enough for them to know more than everyone else. Because they were best friends, after all. And Phil couldn’t keep everything from his best friends.

After they said their goodbyes and Phil was already sitting on his seat next to Dan, he flashed the other boy a smile, raising up his camera and snapping a photo before he could protest. He didn’t think that the other boy would, honestly, but he liked the pictures better when they weren’t posed. When everything would be exactly like how they were when Phil saw them the first time.

When Dan fell asleep, he was resting his head against Phil’s shoulder, and Phil had to fight to keep a smile off his face. He looked so much more relaxed when he was sleeping. Without the ability to see the fire in his eyes, he almost looked normal. Like any other teenager that Phil went to school with, and not the boy who single handedly created his own following of groupies who right now were probably at a complete loss without him. The thought was almost surreal, right now. As if this Dan and that Dan were two different people.

As Phil closed his eyes he couldn’t help but wonder, _what if they were?_


	10. Chapter 10

Dan became something of an eager child when they got back on the bus. His cool attitude seemed for the most part to hide it, but the way he squirmed a little in his seat and his eyes flickered towards the window every few seconds seemed to give him away. It was almost funny to see the change of pace, but it made Phil wonder what was making him act this way. What could turn the cool and mysterious Dan Howell into something just short of an excited puppy. Nothing came to mind. Everything that would excite Phil like that, he was sure Dan had already done. So really, what was left to excite someone who had already done what seemed to be everything? That was the riddle, but Phil found he wasn't very good at coming up with the correct answer. Or any answer at all.

So instead he found himself watching the brown haired boy with an odd facination, wondering what everyone else would give to be the person sitting next to Dan right now. He was willing to bet a lot. But it was Phil in the end who won it. Whatever game they were all playing in Dan's head.

Phil liked to think his winning was a good thing.

When Phil next opened his eyes, it was the moons light trailing in through the windows. He hadn't even realized he'd been asleep, but the bus was now stopped and Dan was poking him in the ribs so hard it was just short of painful. He was already standing before he registered that they were the only people left on the bus, and the driver seemed impatient to get going. She probably was going to be heading home after this. Dan flashed her an award winning smile as he passed by, but she didn't seem amused by the wild child. She probably saw kids like him a lot, Phil realized. He wondered how many kids like Dan there were around here, eager for adventure and wrapped in mystery. Phil nodded his head at her, and tried to seem apologetic that he had unintentionally caused her to be here longer than needed, but in reality he couldn't make himself feel the guilt he was attempting to portray.

The cold air hit him hard, and he refrained from rubbing his arms by fiddling with the straps on his backpack instead. Dan didn't seem to notice, glancing down at his phone and mouthing something silently like he was trying to remember it. If he had been more awake Phil would have tried to see what it was, but the thought didn't occur to him until Dan was already walking, leading Phil along as usual.

"Are we stopping at a hotel for the night?" Phil asked, trying- and failing- to stifle a yawn. Phil wondered where they would sleep when they ran out of money, but found he didn't care enough to ask. Dan would find a place, he was sure.

"Nope." Came Dan's quick reply, cheerful enough to even pop the 'p' of the word. That caught Phil's attention, and he quickened his steps to fall in stride with his companion.

"Then where are we going?" Phil asked, tilting his head as he glanced around. Nothing seemed familiar, but then again nothing ever did. That was part of the reason this was so much fun.

The streetlights lit up most of the sidewalk, and underneath them Dan seemed to shine brighter than anything Phil had ever seen. His eyes were trained ahead of them, and that ever-easy smile of his was gone for the moment. He was looking for something, and Phil wished he knew what. But he was sure he would find out, sooner rather than later.

He wasn't expecting it when Dan walked up the driveway of a house that almost seemed normal. Boring. He followed along, hands in his pockets as he wondered who lived here. Would it be someone like Louise, to tell stories with all night and drink to remember with? He couldn't imagine someone like that living in a house like this. No. Louise was too vibrant for a white house that was one picket fence short of being a suburban dream. So why were they here?

Dan knocked, but he didn't seem to be expecting an answer. Phil noticed the untouched newspapers scattered around the porch, and realized no one seemed to have been home for a few days at least. That didn't seem to bother the brunet, on the contrary he seemed to have been expecting it. He stood up on his tiptoes, feeling the top of the door frame and coming back down with a silver key.

"Dan are we allowed to be here?" Phil asked with realization, suddenly feeling nervous. Like he was being watched, although the yard was big enough that there probably wasn't any neighbors around to see them. Dan seemed utterly unphased as he unlocked the door.

"Does it matter?" He asked, turning around to give Phil a slightly quizzical look. Phil shook his head, although his stomach was doing flips. He didn't think backing out now would make much of a difference to Dan, and he sure as hell didn't want to spend the night alone in a motel somewhere, or worse yet go home.

Dan gave a short nod as he turned back and opened the door and stepped inside, and after a moment of hesitation Phil followed him. Dan waited to shut the door, seeming to be looking around for a lightswitch; which the older teen found first on the opposite side. When he flicked on the light he feared the sound of people shouting or a dog barking, but he was met with silence.

Dan flashed him a thankful smile as Phil looked around the house. They were in the living room, he guessed. Just like the outside though, Phil didn't see anything that stuck out to him. It reminded him of his own house, really. Normal. Not something that Dan Howell would find interesting.

Everything about this seemed off to Phil, but he kept his mouth shut. Dan knew where the key had been, so clearly someone had told him. Phil remembered the man at the coffeeshop, but he didn't seem the type to own a place like this. Phil took a breath in attempt to calm himself as he shut the door behind him.

"I'm going to go find the bathroom, wanna check the kitchen for something to eat?" Dan asked as if this was the most normal thing in the world. 

Phil only nodded, attempting to soothe his own worries as he wandered towards the kitchen- it was easy to find with only a half wall hiding it. He checked the fridge and found nothing, a small frown appearing on his face as he checked cabinets next. Cups and plates in the first, but a jackpot of cereal and canned foods. They must have been planning to be gone a while if they emptied out the fridge. Camping maybe?

"Phil check this out!" Dan called from a ways away, and the cheer in his voice momentarily took away some of the nerves. The older boy moved down the hallway he'd seen Dan go, finding the younger boy leaning against the wall with his head looking through a clear glass door at the end of the hall. The moonlight streamed in where it seemed otherwise dark, and Phil paused a moment to take it in, wishing he hadn't dropped his backpack off when they came inside. This would have made a pretty picture. As he got closer he noticed the cause of the other's excitement. Just outside of the door there lay an in-ground pool, the lights at the bottom illuminating it invitingly.

The brunet looked up at him with a slow smile, cocking his head to the side. "Wanna go for a swim?" He asked.

"I didn't pack a swimsuit." Phil pointed out coyly, although from the way Dan was already reaching for the door he didn't think it mattered.

Dan moved out of the door, facing Phil the entire way and flashing him a smile not unlike the one at the hotel when he caught Phil staring. "Oh come on, live a little." He said playfully, pulling his shirt off and tossing it aside.

For a moment Dan got a little close to the edge of the pool and Phil held on with baited breath, fearing he was about to fall in, but Dan seemed to notice the worry on his friend's face because he stopped short, instead leaning to tug off his shoes and socks and kick them aside as well. 

When he reached for his jeans, Phil couldn't take his eyes away if he tried, mesmerized by the way this seemed entirely more and more like a show just for him. The way his fingers moved so expertly over the button, the small wiggle of his hips as he pulled them down. When he'd kicked them off completely and met eyes with the older teenager Phil wasn't surprised not to see a hint of embarrasement. He knew what he was doing.

"Coming?" He asked, voice echoing slightly and all Phil could do was nod his head, pulling off his clothes in a less confident way and not missing the way Dan seemed to be watching him. Phil wished for the millionth time that he could read the brunet's mind.

The water was cold, but easy to get used to once Phil went under, watching the way goosebumps rose on his pale skin. He pushed away the hair which had plastered to his forehead and remembered why he didn't swim. Although with boys like Dan nearby he was sure he could get used to it. Hell with boys like Dan nearby he was sure he could get used to all of this.

The younger teen swam closer to him, trembling slightly from the cold but not seeming to mind it much. He flashed Phil a smile instead, and the older watched a small blue tint appearing on his lips.

"You're freezing." He noted, and Dan shrugged, moving to rest his arms across Phil's shoulders.

"Well then keep me warm." He said, and it sounded oddly like a challenge. One Phil was happy to accept. He moved his arm to wrap around Dan's waist, loosely so neither kicked the other while trying to stay afloat.

"Your lips are turning blue, Dan." Phil commented, wondering if his own were doing the same. Dan felt colder than he did, but then again that could all be in Phil's head.

Dan laughed, a soft sound that rang in Phil's ears. "Must not be keeping me warm enough." He responded with another shrug.

Phil was almost sure he knew what the challenge in Dan's voice meant, although he ran through as many possibilities as he could think of that would suggest otherwise. Nothing came to mind, which made his heartrate speed up. He didn't think Dan noticed. He hoped he didn't. He wanted to seem calm when he leaned in, placing a kiss onto the other teens lips. He must have been right, because Dan kissed back, moving closer against him and letting one of his hands travel to the older boys hair.

"I love you." Phil declared when they pulled away, voice sounding slightly off to his own ears, maybe due to the hard breathing.

He wasn't quite sure what he expected, another kiss maybe. The words repeated back to him in a low tone. He didn't expect the way Dan tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy, eyebrow raised in question.

He didn't expect the words. "You don't even know me."

However unexpected, the words hit hard. In that moment of realization, Phil wondered how much he didn't know about Dan. Probably a whole lot. He didn't know a damn thing about Dan. Not really. He knew that Dan disappeared places, and now he was finally figuring out where. He knew that Dan smoked and liked Buffy The Vampire Slayer. He knew that he was a rebel-without-a-cause but really, but that there were times when that didn't seem to really fit. But that was almost where it ended.

He knew that he liked Dan. Loved him. But really, was it more of a crush? A thing you have on a celebrity, or someone you'd never really have a chance with? He had a crush on Dan, the myth. The legend. But that wasn't right. Because Dan was right here in front of him, real. Looking at him with eyes that held more emotion than any cliche rebel. 

Dan never told him much, really. Nothing about his hopes or dreams, nothing personal. So in reality, he knew little more than the rest of the world. He was on a road trip with a rebel, which was exactly what he wanted. But he didn’t know a thing about him. He'd spent years pining, and even now he was just starting to unearth the real deal, he'd still barely scraped the surface. Hell he'd been ignoring the moments when he thought Dan was being weird, but maybe that was him trying to show himself. And he wasn't listening. Phil was suddenly determined to figure it all out.

Dan Howell was definitely more (and less) than a simple legend.

And then suddenly there he was, not a legend. A teenager, looking at him with such confusion as he watched for Phil to say something. Phil wasn't sure what words he was looking for, because Phil was too busy realizing how wrong he was. About everything. He had made up an entire human being in his head and fell in love with an image that didn't actually fit. That wasn't even real.

The thing about a play, is that it's all fake. Dan was the leading role, but he was just an actor. And now Phil realized, that was all it was.


	11. Chapter 11

Swimming didn't last long after that, and it was less than twenty minutes later that Phil found himself searching for towels in the bathroom, drying himself off and pulling on a fresh pair of clothes. He wanted to bury himself in his hoodie and never come out. How could he be like that? With all the people who had found him interesting just because of his family's money, how could he see nothing in Dan but mystery? He did to Dan exactly what every one of those girls did to him, and his stomach was queezy at the thought.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he resolved into thinking he could still fix this. He just had to find out who Dan really was, figure him out as a person and not see only something that Phil wanted. Then he wouldn't be like them. He ran a hand through chlorine wet hair and shook his head, trying to chase away the sickening feeling that was creeping over him. Maybe he could take a shower, buy himself some time before he had to go and face the teenager he'd just lied to. Because really, it was a lie. He didn't love Dan. He couldn't, like he'd said. Phil didn't even know him.

Phil thought about Louise, and how he hadn't thought she could really know Dan because she didn't even know his real name. But really, it dawned on him that he was no better. At least she didn't confess her unending love for him. She might not know his name, but did anyone really know Dan Howell? Or did they just know a story? Because Phil definitely didn't.

He decided that maybe a shower was for the best, and while the warm water trickled down his skin he tried to think. Dan Howell wasn't a myth or a legend, he was a teenager. A rebellious one, obviously. But not a myth. And that thought struck a chord in Phil's mind. While a legend doesn't need reasoning to survive as long as someone is talking about it, and talking about it is what fuels it. But Dan Howell was a teenager and as much as adults seemed to think that their kids didn't think two seconds ahead (and some of them didn't) they always had a reason for what they did. Even if a stupid one.

So why was Dan here?

Phil felt a little annoyed with himself as he realized he never even had that thought. Whenever Dan ran away (and really, wasn't that what this was? An adventure, sure. But they were running away.) Phil never thought to ask why. He wondered where the brunet took off to, and what wonderful things he was doing. But he never wondered why Dan had the urge to run. He guessed it was because in his mind, a myth never needed an excuse. No one else had asked the question, so why would Phil?

When he got out of the shower he put his clothes back on, playing with the laces in his hoodie as he made the decision he was going to ask. He called himself Dan's friend, and really he must have thought so too because Phil was allowed to be here. So even if that was all he was ever meant to be, friends were supposed to be able to count on each other. Phil wanted Dan to have someone he was allowed to count on. Because now that Phil thought about it, he didn't think the brunet even had one.

When he found Dan, the teenager was standing in the kitchen, wet fringe sticking to his hair and the slowly drying pieces sticking out all over the place. He looked almost like a kitten, and Phil found himself smiling over the fact. The younger teenager either didn't notice he came in, or was ignoring his presence (and right now, Phil wouldn't blame him for that) because he didn't take his eyes away from the picture placed on the counter in front of him. 

Phil followed his gaze, taking in the sight of the happy looking couple. They were older, younger than Phil's parents by maybe five years. They looked happy, and very much in love with the way the brown haired girl (he assumed from the ring it was the man's wife) was resting her head on his shoulder with a smile on her face, eyes alight. The husband (fair in complexion with blonde hair and milky skin) was looking down at her with almost awe. Like he wasn't sure how the woman was his, and the scene was all too perfect. Like a fairy tale.

He looked around, noticing more pictures of them all around, like a normal family. Some of the pictures even had their son (or who Phil was assuming was their son). He couldn't be more than fourteen, but he looked happy. A thought crossed his mind that he probably looked happy in his family photos too, but he pushed that aside.

"Dan?" He asked slowly, and brown eyes flicked away from the photo to look at Phil. The look on his face reminded Phil of a kid who was in trouble with his parents but was trying to figure out how much they really knew.

"Yeah?" He asked slowly, and Phil wondered why Dan looked like he was the one in trouble.

Phil paused, not quite knowing what to say. "Why did you bring me here? I mean, you never did before with people and it's not like we're that close." _close at all_ "So why now? Why me?"

Dan looked a little hesitant, like he was about to give too much away. Phil wondered if it was because Dan wasn't used to admitting things to people, or if he was still attempting to keep up his mystery. It wasn't like that mattered much to Phil now. He was determined to figure out the truth.

The raven haired male sat down on the bar stool, resting his elbow on the counter as he leaned forward towards the brunet, who seemed to be staring into his soul right now. He resisted the urge to kiss him again, instead tilting his head to the side and focusing on his eyes instead of his lips. It felt like the first time he had really seen them. The recklessness Phil had grown so accustom to was still there, but now they seemed to hold something else. Something much softer.

"Dan, why are we here?" He asked softly, and he watched the way Dan's shoulders sank as he let out a long breath through his nose.

"I guess I have some explaining to do, don't I?" He asked slowly, glancing to the side so Phil could no longer see his eyes.

Phil nodded his head, not removing his eyes from the younger boy. "I think you do." He muttered, trying to sound confident.

In the stories, he didn't think he had ever seen a legend cower, not against monsters or demons or men. Dan Howell didn't seem to cower either, relishing in the fight life brought. But people had many sides. Dan was never meant to be the exception people made him out to be. And right now, he looked every bit as much of a teenager as anyone else. If Phil didn't know any better, he would have thought Dan looked scared. But what was there to be afraid of? This was the same boy that had broken into a house, drank whiskey in a bar which didn't ID him, and ran off all alone to strange places every month since he was fourteen. All of it seemingly without a second thought. So what was he hiding that made him tremble?

Dan couldn't meet his eyes when he started to speak, voice guarded and calm. Had it not been for the tremble of his skin Phil would have thought he was collected as usual. "I'm trying to find something important." He started off. "But the thing is, I don't like being alone. So every time I think I get close to finding it I back out and head home because I've been alone for too long. So I guess I figured if I took someone with me I wouldn't have that problem."

Phil nodded his head, although out of all the things he thought the younger teenager would fear, loneliness had never been one of them. He guessed he didn't know much about Dan after all. "What are you looking for?"

Dan looked up at him then, eyes looking both sad and so, so alone. It actually hurt to look at. "My parents. My real parents." He said, voice sounding broken.

"Is this their house?" Phil asked slowly, looking back to the picture of the happy couple. The woman did look a lot like Dan...

Dan nodded, sniffling slightly and only then did Phil see the tears in his eyes. He was breaking. "Yeah. They're in Aspen right now, that's what the guy said at least."

"But you found them, yeah? Can't you just call them?" He asked slowly, and Dan laughed. It sounded broken.

"Yeah and say what? Your long lost son you put up for adoption is in your house right now?" He asked, and Phil had to admit that sounded like a bad plan.

"So what are you going to do?" He asked. _what are we going to do?_

"They're going to be in California on the twenty-fourth, for a graduation party. I want to meet them there." He said slowly. "Phil if you don't want to come..."

"No." Phil cut him off. He wasn't going to leave Dan alone. Not if he was going to treat him better than he had been. "I'll make you a deal. That's in like what, three weeks? I'll go with you then, and in the mean time you give me the best summer ever. Dan Howell style."

Dan smiled, a signature Dan Howell smile as he gave a small nod. "Deal."

Phil hoped that three weeks was enough time to start to figure Dan out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm working on a couple one shots and was wondering if any of you have requests while I'm doing them?


	12. Chapter 12

They bought a car with what little money they had left. It was beat up and rusted, but it was driveable and in the long run cheaper than taking so many buses. Phil had a thought that this was technically his first car. Sure, he'd had a license since he was sixteen but he'd never gotten a car. His parents had assumed that in their small town he didn't really need one when anywhere he needed to get to he could walk to, and Phil had never questioned that. He almost laughed about it now. The son of a fortune five hundred company bought a car for six hundred dollars, with a window in the backseat that didn't roll down and a stain from red wine on the floorboards. His mother would have been appauled.

They find out that people are looking for them now. Even though Phil had technically turned eighteen in January, his parents had officers looking for him as if he were any other runaway. Dan's foster parents didn't seem to know their son was missing. Then again, they were probably used to the teenager doing things like this by now. They probably thought it was in his blood. Phil tried to remember back to when they were fourteen and Dan first started running away, and he thought he remembered seeing Dan being returned home in the back of a cop car, looking utterly bored. He only remembered it happening a handful of times though, so they must have given up rather quickly.

When Phil mentioned that thought to Dan, the younger boy laughed. A hollow sound. "More like they're happy to see me go." He responded, glancing over from his place in the driver's seat.

Phil almost asked how anyone could be happy to see Dan leave, but bit his tongue. He didn't know if he knew Dan well enough to say that. "Why do you think that?" He asked instead.

Dan snorted softly, flashing one of those Dan Howell smiles, and Phil pretended it didn't make his heart stutter. "Because if I'm gone they don't gotta explain all the bruises."

The silence was heavy, Dan turning his gaze back to the road as Phil let that knowledge sink in. The black eye he'd had when he appeared at Phil's window. A sickening feeling rose in the bottom of Phil's stomach, and he honestly felt like he was going to throw up (wouldn't that just add to how much his mother would hate this car?). How many times had Dan gotten those in the time he'd seen Dan in school? The number was surprisingly high in hindsight. And a few busted lips too now that he thought about it. He'd always heard people talking about the fights Dan kept getting into with kids from the next town. With Dan's attitude it wasn't that far of a stretch. Phil had believed it without a second thought.

It was no wonder why Dan wanted to find his parents.

Phil opened his mouth to say something, although he wasn't sure what. Before anything came out, Dan cut him off. "Don't say you're sorry." His voice came out a little forced, a little pleading.

Phil nodded his head silently before clearing his throat. "I wasn't going to." He lied. "I was going to say I hope we never go back."

Dan glanced over at him, tilting his head to the side like he was trying to figure something out. Phil refrained from telling him to put his eyes back on the road. Being defiant and dying were two different things, and Phil had only prepared himself for one of them this morning. He decided to trust Dan though, because friends did that. Although he was pretty sure Phil didn't know enough about Dan to really be his friend. He was trying.

"Hey Phil, can I ask a question?" Dan asked after a few moments of trying to search for the answer in Phil's eyes.

Phil raised an eyebrow. What could Dan possibly want to know about him? He wasn't anything special. "I guess. If I can ask one too."

Dan thought that over like he was deciding whether or not he wanted to cut the red wire on a time bomb. But the question in his head must have been important, because he nodded, glancing to the road again for a moment. They were still the only car in sight, and Phil decided that he liked backroads. He wasn't sure why.

"Why do you not want to go back so bad?" He asked, and he seemed to sound genuinely nervous. Phil mentally kicked himself.

He took a deep breath, trying to find the words. "I just- I feel trapped there is all. My parents are either yelling or ignoring me. It's the same thing every day... I guess I just like the freedom out here." He explained slowly.

Dan flashed him a smile. "Yeah, that's kinda how I feel. Like no one can really make me do anything if you get far enough away. Be whoever you want."

"Don't you already do that?" Phil asked, raising an eyebrow. "I mean, you're not really the guy the school thinks you are."

Dan shrugged his shoulder's lazily, looking back out the window. "I don't know if it's really that simple anymore." He said in reply.

Phil nodded his head and pretended he knew what that meant. Soon, he hoped he did. Maybe Dan would let him in on the secret. But until then he would need to figure out what he could, and not with a million questions. Friendships weren't made that way. So instead Phil turned up the radio- thanking God that was one of the things that still worked in this old car. As a song that Phil hadn't heard in the better part of six years blasted through the speakers he rested his head against the window- wondering if Dan was just as curious about Phil as he was about the brunet. He didn't know why he would be, but then again does anyone find themself as interesting other other people do?

-

They end up taking a break, stretching their legs on a patch of road that is barely anything but dirt. Dan laid down on the space where the road meets grass and runs his fingers along them both. He had a thing for texture, Phil thought. Wasn't that supposed to be a sign of creativity? He thought so, but then again he didn't think he knew for sure. It would make sense, anyone who came up with such crafty lies their entire life had to be pretty creative.

Phil sat beside him in the crass, cross legged and watching somewhere past the road where the horizen met the grass. The fields looked neverending, not a house in sight to inturrupt it. Like the whole place was left untouched. The place felt endless for a moment, and Phil could swear he could feel the world moving. Was that even possible?

"What was your question?" Dan asked suddenly, snapping Phil from his thoughts. He had expected the silence to draw out longer.

"What?" Phil asked blankly, turning his head to look at Dan and finding the brunet already looking at him, head barely raised off the ground.

"Back at the car you said that I could ask my question if you could ask one too, so what was yours?" He explained, sounding mildly exhasperated.

"Oh, I don't know." Phil confessed, shrugging his shoulders. Had he even had a question to begin with? He had plenty of questions for Dan, but none of them seemed good at the moment.

Dan nodded, letting out a quiet 'oh' and lowering his head back down so he could look at the clouds. His fingers brushed against a rock and he drew back. Phil thought the edge must have hurt.

"When you think of a good one, let me know." He decided thoughtfully, and Phil refrained from nodding because he knew Dan wouldn't see anyway.

"Alright, I'll keep that in mind."

-

They slept in the car that night, which was something that was an obvious to Phil when they bought it, but he hadn't realized how cramped it was going to be. They put down the backseats, and Phil attempted to get comfortable to not much avail. Dan didn't seem to have the same problem, curling up and pulling a comforter from undearneath the backseat. From the way Dan was laying you'd think that he was on a mattress made of swan feathers or something. The older boy wondered how much practice of sleeping on hard bus seats and thin matresses in the backs of bars it took for this laid back car seat to feel comfortable. He didn't think he'd ever have enough, and debated whether or not that was a good thing.

Phil noticed that the younger boy had taken his shirt off at some point, the tips of his bare shoulders and the muscles between his shoulder blades peeking from underneath the blankets. He almost wanted to ask why anyone would bother removing clothes just to be cold enough to use a blanket, but he really couldn't muster a complaint. Not only because he was too tired for trivial conversation, but because he didn't think he could ever complain when Dan was shirtless.

The raven haired teenager must have been fidgetting too much, because Dan turned to face him, eyebrow raised in something that looked more amused than annoyed. "Having problems, Phil?"

"How is this comfortable to you?" He asked, stressed out from the idea of having to sleep here and also knowing defeat when he saw it.

"Because I've slept on cement." Dan answered simply, and Phil was pretty sure there was a story behind that. He didn't know if he wanted to ask.

"This is probably better than that." Phil admitted. "I'm not used to it."

Dan looked thoughtful before scooting closer to Phil, pulling the willing teen so that his head was resting on Dan's chest, right above his stomach. It felt like a pillow, and with the way Dan spread the blanket across the two of them Phil had to admit that he found it a lot less uncomfortable.

Dan's heartbeat almost lined up perfectly with his breath, and the fact that they were so close yet not quite would have bugged Phil if he really thought about it. But he was too busy focused on how comforting it was. Dan fell asleep before him. He didn't know because they were speaking, instead Phil just noticed when Dan's breaths became deep and slow. 

Phil was lulled to sleep by the sounds of Dan and the crickets outside.


End file.
